Late Spring Cleaning

Those of you that are paying attention will have realized that I didn't do a blog post yesterday. Things were slightly busy for me, since I've been trying to fix my car for a little while and I've been dealing with issues of work, house and home; but that's not the reason I didn't post yesterday. I was a bit flummoxed, trying to pick an idea out of so many to write, I was unsure which I should write and develop into a blog post; but that too is not the reason I didn't do a blog post yesterday. The truly attentive among you may have realized that the real reason I didn't post yesterday was because it wasn't actually a posting date. The Word of the Day is: 'LATE'.

Late /layt/ adj. 1. Occurring, coming, or being after the usual or proper time: a late dinner; a late crop. 2. Continued until after the usual time or hour; protracted: a late session. 3. Far advanced in time: a late hour. 4. Having recently died: the late king. 5. Belonging to an advanced stage in the history of development of something: late Latin. 6. of late, recently. ♦adj. 7. After the usual or proper time, or after delay: They came late. 8. Until after the usual time or hour: He works late. 9. At or to an advanced time, period, or stage. 10. Recently but not now.

See, almost three weeks ago now, on the 15th of May, I was supposed to do a blog post, but I didn't. Instead, I was a day late, and I did my second Hypothetical post a day later on the 16th. Then the next post I did was held back, since I was planning on going drinking with friends on the Friday and doing my 'Drunk Post' on Saturday, but no one showed up to the party, so we postponed to the day after and my post followed suit. I'd been wanting to do the drunk post for a while, ever since Allie Brosh did so for her blog, since I happen to like drinking, and I have a lot to say about it,so I thought it would be funny if I did the post in the style of the theme, just like I did for the impromptu Blackout post, but the fates were against me it seems.
So those two late dates then bled into the following posts, until I was posting late so often that it seemed like I was posting perfectly on time. Yet another example of The Three Stooges Syndrome.

(Boy, oh boy! I'm having fun with hyperlinks today aren't I?)

The point is, you may not have noticed, but I did. Every time I put up a post, I was conscious of the fact that I was still running late. So yesterday, when I was low on ideas, I realized I could use this opportunity to get my system back into gear.

So, the plan is, I skip yesterday's post, then I'll do two more posts to catch up. One today, and another one tomorrow. Sounds like fun, right?
There's only one problem . . . I was a little stuck on what to talk about for these two blog posts. There's all kinds of ideas that I've got going on, and I like doing those trilogy posts, like The Film With No Name Trilogy, so I thought I'd do a twofer and have two relating or opposing words to juxtapose. But then I realized that there's some stuff I want to clean up here. Some things I want to set straight and clean up, and some other things I'd like to tell you about. So this here first post of the two will be my Housekeeping post.

You may have noticed at the bottom of each post, there is a short section with the word 'Labels'. This is called the "Label Ribbon" and each post has a couple of labels that define it. There are some obvious labels: word of the day is just a regular post (with a definition), special edition is for stuff I won't do very often, or stuff that plays with the blogger template or html, hypothetical is for hypothetical posts (feel free to drop me your hypotheses!).
It may not seem important, but it's really useful. On occasion, I get people asking about certain posts or stories I've written, so if you're looking for particular posts, everything to do with writing tips and 'how to do write fiction' is labelled as a writing post, and if you want to read all of the blogfiction on this blog, it has a fiction label.
When you click on a label in the ribbon, it takes you to a search page with all of the posts in this blog that have that particular label, so you can search this blog to your heart's content under those labels.

Now, this post is labelled housekeeping. That's what I call blogs where there's stuff about settling issues to do with the blog itself, answering questions and filling you, the reader, in on the technical side of this blog, or what's going on with me as a blogger. That label isn't as fun to click on, but it's fun for me because not only is it easier to write 'housekeeping' posts (like this one) about what I'm doing, like some kind of work-log; it also means I get to fill you in on stuff I'm doing, and stuff I'm planning to do!

Sure, this post was made so I could sort out my posting schedule, and I wanted to make sure people were aware of the labels, but I've been working on a bunch of stuff that I want you to know about. Just do me a favour and don't get too excited about it just yet.
There's a good chance that I won't get to do everything I plan, and especially with stuff that's long-running, it requires a lot more effort (such as Hypotheticals), and I've found that ideas are more likely to die off if reader participation is required.
So, without further ado, here's some of the stuff I'm working on behind the curtain:

Webcomics
A few years ago, when I was bored, I started scribbling a little stick-figure comic on spare pieces of paper that I had lying around. It was called "Larry & Harry" and it was about two brothers who lived together, and how they deal with life as stick-figures in a comic strip, and made fun of the medium.
It was very meta, but each strip was a maximum of 6 panels, so it was just a short little piece. For a while now, I've been wanting to update the drawings and include them on the blog somewhere.
But when I was working on that, playing with Blogger, html and the stuff I could do, I was looking through my old folders and came across some older comics I'd drawn.
When I was very, very young, (I mean when I was still in primary school, here) I drew a couple of silly comics called "The Adventures of Willy the Worm", using the help of an artistic school friend named Christian. The idea was simple, it was about a worm that gained superpowers who was living in a secret underground base and fighting crime on a small scale.
I also came up with an idea called "Barry Bungalo's Weird World", about a man who moves into a house with polymorphic technology, which had a bad habit of glitching out and sending people to an alternate dimension. I drew a few pages of that comic, but it never went too far (and it's likely never going to be a comic, the plan is to cannibalize it into other projects) but it helped me to learn to draw.

The point is, I have enough resources, time, ability and ideas to make a simple webcomic in many different structures. I know it won't be as funny as  XKCD; Penny Arcade; Order of the Stick or Cyanide & Happiness, and it will never be well drawn, but I can promise good story.
I'm wondering if anyone is interested in a meta sitcomic about two stick-figure brothers living together, or even a comic about a super-worm that fights crime on a small scale. Feel free to let me know in the comments.

Gameblog
No! Before you get too excited, no, this is not a blog about videogames. As much as I'd love to make a game in flash and drop it in here for you to play, it's also not a videogame that you can play on a blog.
I'm a writer, not a game designer!

Rather, have you ever heard of Choose Your Own Adventure books? What about those Goosebumps: Choose the Scare books? Well here's a fun fact for you. The correct name for those kind of books is a 'gamebook', a book which is interactive in the same way as old computer games.
For those of you unaware, a C.Y.O.A. book or gamebook is a story written such that the story has branching paths which the reader can choose from, and by choosing different paths a reader can see the different outcomes of a story. Ever since I started this blog, I've been interested in playing with the html to make what can be a "hypertext narrative" in this gamebook style, which I have dubbed a 'gameblog'. I'm really excited about this, but I haven't worked out any narrative yet, since I'm still too busy with figuring out the technical side of things. Because writing a gameblog the way I'm planning would mean filling the blog with posts that are just pages out of context with the whole story. I don't want to do that to people, so I'm trying to figure out a way to write a full hypertext narrative within the blog which doesn't get in the way of the rest of the blog proper.
I will do a gameblog someday, but it may take a while figuring out how . . . so keep an eye out of that one, and if you have any technical know-how in this area and are kind enough to share it with others, let me know. It will help make this project a reality.

BlogSerial
Oh, here we go. This is the fun one. See way back in my second ever blog post, "Fictionary", back when I was still trying to figure out what to do with my little corner of the internet, I talked about serialized fiction and how a lot of the greatest writers in the world used to submit their stories that way. At the time I dismissed the idea because I figured that turning this entire blog into a novel would be a great excuse to write poorly and eventually abandon the project, since it would be so hard to do on top of everything that I'm writing which isn't a blognovel. But then I had an idea. What if I wrote a serial more like they did in the magazines? What if I continued to write the blog, but every now and then, I wrote an instalment for the serialized story?
I was worried then about making people read so much. It's not fun reading very long stories on the internet, since you have to sit at a computer screen for hours on end. Then I realized that I could amend that worry by writing episodic stories. Stories which may have a story arch throughout the series, so that you can read them together if you want to, but which serves as simple background information for new readers.

The more I thought about it, the more I liked this idea, so that's something that I've been working on in the background for a while now (ever since Mother's Day). I probably won't write the first instalment in a long while, I'm talking fortnights here; but I do have some story worked out for this one!

I don't want to give out too much information or too many spoilers, since I want it to be a surprise, but I'm so excited that I can't help giving you little hints about it to whet your appetites!
It's going to be Science Fiction. Not 'hard sci-fi', the story is going to concentrate more on the adventure, comedy and drama than the science, but I love having a whole universe to explore. It's based off of a popular science fiction series, but the plan is to have the story so loose that it could take place anywhere (and I can do crossover stuff if I so choose), so you don't have to be a fan of the show to understand what I'm talking about. That's all I'm going to reveal right now, except for this incredibly cryptic statement:
  "In Case of Emergency, Do Not Use the Elevator."

If you can decipher that, you deserve a lollipop.


Right. Well, that's what I'm working on lately, and what I'm hoping to put up on this blog as soon as possible. If you're interested in any of these things or you think it's a terrible idea and I should stick to what I'm already doing, then feel free to leave me a comment. I write this stuff to be read, so if no one wants to read my work I'll set my sights on other projects.

That's all for today, but tune in tomorrow for some insight into some other stuff I'm thinking about with fiction, writing & the evolution of stories . . .

Introducing - Parody Week

Today is the 31st of March, or Easter Sunday. Which means that tomorrow is the first of April, or April Fool's Day. With these two holidays so close together, one would think that I'd have something to say about either one, but I don't, not really. See, I don't know much about Easter except for my Fun Fact of the Day: Do you know what Easter bunnies and eggs have to do with Easter? Sex. It's all about sex, because Easter is about rebirth (of Jesus). Eggs are obvious, that's where baby birds/reptiles hatch from, and bunnies are well known for mating 'like rabbits', so it makes sense when you think about it.
As for April Fool's Day, I like the idea. It's a fun celebration, where people can play practical jokes on others and have a bit of a laugh. I would, perhaps, do a post or something to celebrate, but I'm not really one for pulling off practical jokes. It's a bit too difficult, I reckon. So I've decided to do something much harder. In celebration of the holiday all about joking around, I've decided to have a little fun of my own.
The Word of the Day is: 'PARODY'.

Parody /'parədee/ n. 1. A humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature, writing or music. 2. A badly done imitation; travesty. ♦v.t. 3. To imitate (a composition, author, etc.) in such a way as to ridicule.

You know, ever since I started blogging, I came up with some ideas for cool posts and things I could do to both entertain you, and have a lot of fun myself as I try to stretch my writing muscles. One of these ideas I came up with was inspired by xkcd, the webcomic by Randall Munroe. In his earlier years of drawing comics, he decided to pay tribute to some of the other comics around the web by spending five days drawing in their style and writing in their manner to subtly mock their stranger aspects.
He did this under the banner of "Parody Week".
Now, Randall Munroe's xkcd is not the only webcomic to parody other comics, hell it wasn't even the first. But I was intrigued by this 'Parody Week' idea, and I wondered if I could something like it myself.

The idea is simple, I will write my blog in the style of other blogs for every day of one week. But there's a reason why I waited till April to do this, and it's not just because of April Fool's Day. I needed time to do research and find seven good blogs; I needed to brainstorm, work out my angle & understand their style and I also needed to see how far I could stretch the confines of blogger's HTML so I could make my blog look like the ones I was parodying. After all this time, I believe I'll be able to do it, and I'm going to, but I needed to give you guys a heads up, as this will be a little different from the usual.
The reason I write every three days rather than daily is because it takes time and effort to write blog posts, and I need time between each or I'll burn out. But for Parody Week, the plan is to write a post every day. So to make sure I don't fry my brain, I'm taking next week off.
Parody week officially starts on the 7th of April, 2013. I'll post every day for seven days. Then, after all seven posts, I will take the next week off to relax, before I continue blogging normally.
I want you to know beforehand so you don't freak out when I stop posting. I know how much this blog means to you, and I wouldn't want to upset your day with something so traumatic.

Now, according to Dictionary, parody is mostly a mean thing to do, since it's often used to ridicule. So I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not making fun of these websites to offend them, or because I don't like them. I do like them, and I read most of them quite often.
I'm just pointing out that there are some common themes or styles in these blogs, and I want to see if I can write as well as them. And where I make fun, I do so because I find the ideas amusing.

See, there's at least two ways to parody something: mockingly or reverently.
Mocking Parody is akin to when you tell people about the driver who cut you off in traffic. You often call the target bad names, and if you quote them often choose to do so in a condescending manner with the most annoying voice you can imitate (often high pitched or with poor grammar).
Reverent Parody is akin to when you tell people about a good football or sporting match you just saw. You often exaggerate the drama, adding sound effects as you mime the lead player and generally try to invoke in others the joy that you felt when you first saw the match.
I came to understand a lot of what I know about styles of parody sort of thing because of the Nostalgia Chick's video on "Dreamworks vs Disney: Dualing", but I the sentiment was originally portrayed in the quote:

  "In every spoof I make real love to the things I am spoofing."

Mel Brooks, on Parody

If you are making fun of something because you hate it, then it can come across as unnecessarily cruel, and some people do not respond as well towards it, especially those that you're parodying. That's not to say that there's no place for unkind or mocking parody, it can be used to illustrate a point, but since my goal is entertainment, you can look forward to seven posts about websites that I love. In fact, since I enjoy them so much, I recommend that you check them out after seeing my rendition. If you're looking for some good online reading material, these websites a good place to start looking.

As for who I plan on parodying . . . well, I want it to be something of a surprise, but let's just say I'll be doing a parody of seven of my favourite websites and online journals. If you want to know who, you can tune in every day next week and see for yourself!

Hypotheticality

Today, I really wanted to write some blogfiction, for the post. For a while now, I've just been spouting opinion, and I wanted to lighten up a little. But I was burned out. It was too last minute, I was too unprepared & I am too tired.
[Hence the terribly drawn illustration. Sorry about that . . .]

Blogger's Note: Originally, the Illustration was rather poorly drawn, just a black silhouette. I absolutely hated it, to the point that I felt the need to redraw it. So, enjoy this newer version. I don't imagine it's perfect, but it's miles better than the original . . .

But the thing is, while I was trying to come up with a story to write for this post, more often than not, I found myself wondering what would happen if I was in that position.
I’d come up with a fantasy about trolls and goblins, and wonder how I'd react. I'd come up with a mystery and wonder how I would solve it were I there. I would come up with ideas and think:
  “What would I do in this situation?”
It's all my fault, you see. I'm just too excited. Because a few days ago, I came up with a cool, new idea I’ve been toying with, that I would like to add to this blog, and since I have nothing else to talk about, now seemed like the best time to introduce it.
The Word of the Day is: 'HYPOTHETICAL'.

Hypothetical /huy’pəthetikəl/ adj. 1. Assumed by hypothesis; supposed: a hypothetical case. 2. Relating to, involving, or of the nature of hypothesis: hypothetical reasoning. ♦n. 3. A hypothetical situation, instance, etc.

Wow, this is one of those fun double whammy words, isn't it? Dictionary, in the interests of clarity, define 'Hypothesis' for the people:

Hypothesis /huy’pothəsəs/ n. 1. A proposition, idea, theory or other statement adopted as a starting point for a discussion, investigation, study, etc. 2. A statement accepted as basic in an argument. 3. A guess; assumption.

Hypothetical Situations are a good way to understand a concept, or come to terms with it. With enough understanding, knowledge & time, one can come to see many things that would otherwise be recognized only as theory:

• What would it be like to walk on the surface of the sun?
• What would you do if you met Albert Einstein?
• What would happen if you could keep a dinosaur as a pet?

These are all ideas that we can understand, but never enact in a plausible or safe environment. But we can do so within the safety of our minds.
Some people daydream, and some people fantasize. And I am among them. What is fiction if not asking those hypothetical questions over and over within the one scenario?
I like to write fiction, and I have already created a few specialized stories for this blog. But one issue I run into is the Time. I write these posts within an hour or two, or at least try to, but when I write fiction it takes up so much more effort, and I often have to plan weeks in advance.
So I was wondering if I could use hypothetical situations to allow myself to write fiction, as well as explore concepts otherwise unseen, by streamlining the concept phase. It's admittedly an intellectual shortcut, Like self-insert fanfiction without the fanfiction, but I think there's much to be gained from this concept.

In The Absurd Word Nerd blog, there are a few mainstays and key features: Blogfiction; Word of the Day; Meta-posts & Dictionary.  Now, I am hoping to add another: Hypotheticals.

The idea is simple. I will start with a hypothetical criterion, or a Hypothesis. I will then envisage the most logical situation wherein I will place my fictional self in this strange situation, and I will then follow the steps to their logical conclusion, given what I know about myself and the situation. Then I will present this to you in the form of a narrative.

The rules are simple.

1. Once given a 'Hypothesis', the query must be answered appropriately, according to its wording & grammar.
2. The situation must be resolved logically, with no cheating, falsehoods or 'deus ex machina'.
3. The Hypothetical must continue until either the situation ends, my fictional self dies or the consequences cannot be determined.

I am taking this pretty seriously, but this is just a fun way to stretch my writing muscles, as well as my imagination and intellectual strengths. But why am I telling you all of this? Well, because I want you to be a part!
I didn't change my template just to make my blog pretty. I want to include others in my fun. What I'm saying is:
  I want YOU to think up hypothetical situations for me!

This concept may be a little wild for people to understand, so I figured I'd give people a sample of what I am hoping to do. So here is just one example of a Hypothetical, which I've chosen for its brevity. It's admittedly a little morbid this one, but it's the only question I could cover in a short piece:

Let's say I am given the Hypothesis -
What if you were to Spontaneously Combust, right now? . . .

Burning Man

I am sitting at my desk, my fingers hovering over the keys waiting for inspiration, when I start to feel a heat in my forehead. Thinking that it is, just sunburn, I gently rub it with my fingers to cool my face. But my fingers, too, feel a deep warmth. In fact, now that I think about it, I feel a deep boiling in my stomach.
Is it something I ate?
The heat increases rapidly, and before I know it I can feel it bursting from my skin, and in seconds I'm covered in blisters! WHOOMPHF! My entire body. Head to toe, every inch of me suddenly flares up like a struck match. I scream as I feel the heat. An unnatural wave of hot air, like I've just dived into the oven. But the fire is so deep, it fries my nerves.
I panic and scream! The fire! It's everywhere! I stumble to escape my desk. I must escape the fire! But my desk chair, always troublesome, trips my frantic, unsteady legs. I hit the carpet. and as the carpet burns and melts under my ignited hands, the last strands of my hair have become cinders.
Water! I have to stop the fire!
I get to my feet. By now, the fire has melted the plastic of my glasses to my face, and charred the glass. I tear the frames wildly from my head as  run out of my bedroom door, blindly, with charred skin and burnt clothes falling from my body. I turn to the kitchen, but my progress has slowed considerably as my toenails crack and split from the heat, my muscles cook and the soles of my feet blister. I run smack into the glass table that I can't see through my watery, unadorned eyes.
There's pain from the heat, but desperation and adrenaline drives me. Dripping sodden ash, boiled pus and blood over the floor, I stumble along the bench, charring the plastic top as I crawl over it, and as soon as I can reach the kitchen sink, I slap at the tap with my hand. I struggle to push my head, arms and upper-body under the water. As the water steams from my flaming head, I kick the cupboards with frustation, as my body continues to burn. Even if I can manage to put out the fires of my top half, my legs burn beneath me, and I collapse on the kitchen floor.
Through a combination of third degree burns, skin infections & heat exhaustion, I eventually burn and die.

THE END

Okay, I'll admit, that was much more disappointing than I was hoping for. But when your whole body suddenly catches alight, it's hard to get out in one living piece. Can you blame me?
I was running out of time, and couldn't think up a better, shorter Hypothesis to work with. But that's what you're for!
I hope for much more uplifting, entertaining & enlightening Hypotheticals, for whole blog posts.

I already have some potential Hypothetical Situations involving zombies, super powers & other cool stuff, and those are the ones I plan on doing first. But that all depends on what you people come up with! If you have something better, I'll do it!
All you have to do is present me with a Hypothesis, framed as a question, that I can play out. I'd like to see if I can survive some of these, using just my wits and writing ability.
Just leave your Hypothesis in the Comment Section!

[Note: If you want specific things to happen, or have details that can be interpreted many ways, specify within the comment. Otherwise, I will just have to interpret the question as best I can.]

If you have a good enough Hypothesis, I'll use it, thanking you for the question, if you wish. And I'll use it for a Hypothetical Post.
Hypotheticals are something that I would like to make a permanent feature of the blog, but it relies on new questions. Feel free to leave a Hypothetical under any blog post with the hypothetical or fiction label and I guarantee I will give it a look-in.
I'd hate to see this idea die out due to apathy, people.
Don't let me Down!

- - - 

Oh, and since we're already talking about Blog Particulars, I figured now was a good time for a heads-up. In April, I plan on doing a Parody Week. Don't worry, audience participation is not required. But I wanted to advertise it now, because I am putting a lot of work into this thing!
During the second week of April, I will do a new blog post every day, each one based on a blog or bloggers that I appreciate, and will be doing a Parody of. This was inspired by xkcd's own Parody Week, and I'll even be doing an xkcd parody, so look forward to that. Seriously people, it's gonna be awesome.

So look forward to Parody Week, and drop me a Hypothesis, if you want to start asking the big questions. Until next time, I'll be trying to answer my own hypothetical question:
  "How much better would this blog be if I didn't leave all my blog posts to the last minute?"

The More Things Change . . .

You know what's difficult? Or should I say 'impossible'? Writing a blog post when my computer is off. My house has had two blackouts in one hour. So I haven't been able to get around to this until now. What a damn pain.
I was angrily stomping around my house, damning the injustice of it all, when I decided that there was nothing I could do about it. So I decided to go for a walk. But by the time I put on my jeans, the damn lights came on again, so I sat down to finally write this thing. The fun thing is, this all relates back to my word of the day.
Because after a while, I realized that no matter how much I bitched and moaned about the power being off, it wasn't going to change anything.
The Word of the Day is: 'CHANGE'

Change /chaynj/ n. ♦v.t. 1. To make different, alter in condition, appearance, etc. 2. to transform or convert. 3. To substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind or value. 4. To give and take reciprocally; interchange. 5. To become different; alter.

Now I know what you're thinking:
  "Wow, nice segue, Nerd!"
Yeah? Well, shut up. I wanted a chance to complain about the power outages. But now that I'm done with that, let's move onto something more important. You may notice that my blog has changed.
If not, you're either blind, a moron, in another reality or a new reader. So for those that don't get it, my blog was originally blue. And crap. The words were on the left side of the screen, the right side was cluttered with all kinds of nonsense, and it was generally a very bland site. I think the template was actually called 'Simple'.
There is a reason for that.
I didn't like it, but I kept it for a while because I didn't want to change. Just last week, I was toying with the sliders to change the colour from blue to indigo (since indigo is my favourite colour). But I didn't like it, because it looked different. I was worried that it wouldn't feel like my site anymore.

You see, I don't like change. Not in a 'back in my day, it was better' kind of way. But in the way that I like it when I can rely on something. Things must change, but there are some things I like to stay the same. Perhaps it is nostalgia, or over-sentimentality, but when something changes, I can't help feeling a little bit lost.

So even though the site looked like crap, I felt like changing what it looked like would make it not really my site anymore. And for the longest time, I was of the opinion that:
  "This is all about the words. Who cares about the rest?"
But that all changed.

It changed because I wanted it to be better. And part of that comes down to Envy. I was reading my friend's blog: Cascades of Dreams and I was saddened by the fact that she had an open comments section, and I didn't. I wanted one.
People could comment before, but it was two clicks away, on a separate page. I've said before that as much as I like to monologue, I like to encourage dialogue, so it was not conducive to my own social philosophy.
So I gritted my teeth and changed my site template to one with an open comments section. And I picked this one!
"Dynamic Template - Sidebar"

Ooh, fancy.

[If I change my blog in the future, the following piece will make no sense. But on the upside, you're in the future! You've got aliens, neon clothes & hover-bikes. You have nothing to complain about.]

Look at this thing: I have a sexy banner up the top which is purple, as I wanted. I added a  description up the top, courtesy of Dictionary (I didn't add one before, because I didn't know how best to represent my blog. Now I do!).
The whole left side here is now just links to my old posts. So you can scroll down all the way to the beginning. Feel free to read them (they're actually good, believe it or not).
I also like that now the words are the front and centre of my blog. The posts are right up in your face, taking up a good 70% of the screen, and I like it that way. Because this is about the words.
Also, the template was even nice enough to shrink down my illustrations into thumbnails for you nice people! Isn't that sweet?
On the right side, Hidden in a little pop-up, are all the options that used to clutter up the right side. But now you just hover your mouse, click and can access everything like before.
My profile (learn about me), the blog archive (read more from me), Google's +1 button (let me know you like me), the Translator (understand me) and even a Subscribe button (stalk me).
The archive is a little more bureaucratic than before, and I'm not overly fond of it. But that's okay, because all my posts are now listed in the left sidebar. Did I mention that?
Because I think it's awesome!

Oh, and of course, the Comments Section. Rather than being on a separate page, now it's right down the bottom.
I did this for you, people.  I wanted you to be able to comment on my blog much easier, to talk to me or others, and have others reply to you, & even so you can reply to others! Isn't it great?
I feel like part of a community already.

Of course, that all relies on people actually commenting. I am not going to force people to comment (at least, not until the machine is fully operational), but if you want to say something in reply to my blog post, or say something to me, or give me a challenge or suggest improvements, I implore you to do so.
Hell, you can even suggest 'Words of the Day'  for me to do, if you are so inclined, or ask for my opinion on topics. I love the idea of having a responsive audience. And since this is about improving my writing, I would like to learn how to write stuff that will make my audience happy.

That's right. I will whore myself, and my writing skills, out to you kind people, if you so wish. It all starts with a simple comment.

Oh, but there's one other thing. Because I don't like change, there's one aspect about the 'Dynamic' template that I don't like. Because it was literally dynamic. And I don't mean 'literally' in the Valley Girl lexicon. I mean it was "pertaining to force of motion".
The template would change and move, if you asked it to, just by clicking the button up the top-left.
I didn't like that idea at all. It made me feel dirty thinking people were bending the template to their own sick desires:
  "Yeah . . . yeah . . . organize in a mozaic for me, you know you want to.  Oh yeah, Flipcard, do it for me . . ."

Yeah . . . made me feel weird. So I removed the option.
Now there is only the 'Sidebar' option . The only remnant of the old template options, is the little triangle under the header, and if you hover your mouse over it, it will impotently swivel around as if to say:
  "I'd love to give you the options . . . but I have no power here!"
Muahuahua! Yes, swivel you feeble JavaScript button!
Because I don't want other people changing my blog.

And that is, after all, the thesis of this blog post (beyond describing the new format a little). Although I have managed to change a little, in the end I am still the same person who does not like change. So you can change whether or not I will affect change. But you can never change who I am. For even Change will never change how much I don't like to change. Because, as they say:

  "the More things Change, the More they Stay the Same."

- Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr  

And to think, if I got a dollar for every time I said 'change' in this blog post, I'd have an awful lot of spare change.

Executive Augur

On this day, in 2013, Barack Hussein Obama II was publicly inaugurated as President of the United States for a second term. Some people don't like him, some people do. I don't much care about that. I don't believe politicians do much good either way, but just the fact that he's African-American sends a message to the world that America is not a sack full of racists, as we once viewed them.
But I'm not really here because I want to talk about politics, or racism or even really the presidency. Because I am the Absurd Word Nerd, and I want to talk about a word that people have been throwing around.
The Word of the Day is: 'INAUGURATION'.

Inauguration /in'awgyərayshən/ n. 1. An act or ceremony of inaugurating.

Wow. Thanks, Dictionary. That was really helpful . . .
But just to be sure, what does 'inaugurate' mean.

Inaugurate /in'awgyərayt/ v.t. 1. To make a formal beginning of; initiate; commence; begin. 2. To introduce into office, etc., with formal ceremonies; install.

Now THAT sounds a lot more familiar. And it makes sense. Barack was introduced into office, and it was a formal beginning. That is fascinating. But that's not the reason I bring up the word. I bring it up because I happen to know of another word that makes this one raise my eyebrow.
I know there exists a much older word, with obvious ties to this one. Dictionary? Can you helps us out, here?

Augur /'awgə/ n. 1. (In Ancient Rome) one of a body of officials charged with observing and explaining omens for guidance in public affairs. ♦v.i. 2. To be a sign; bode (well or ill).

You know, I am always fascinated by this sort of thing. Etymologies. Generally, words are built upon similar words, and you can see exactly what it means, because everyone has meant the same thing through generations. But as with this example the word 'inauguration', although now associated with pomp and ceremony, was once a much more spiritual and holy affair. to 'inaugurate' was to perform the duties of an augur, and essentially to divine the future through blessings and omens.
And on first glance, they may seem terribly unrelated. And yes, there are oddities in history that can show seemingly similar words having completely different meanings.
But I don't believe that is the case here. Think about it.

The purpose of the President's Inauguration is to begin his official term, and they continue it with celebration and, of course, a speech by the freshly hired president.
And what is the purpose of this Inaugural Address, if not to set a precedent? [Puns, gotta love 'em!]
Seriously, Obama read out his speech (which he apparently wrote by hand) for the purposes of setting the standard. Letting people know what he is doing, where he is going, and why he is the president you voted for. The Inauguration can be seen as a sign. A declaration of the duties he will uphold.
And in a poetic way, you could even say that all inaugurations could be seen as the fork in the road that could either bode ill, or bode well, for their term ahead of them. There are still those elements of old traditions. And, of course, when Emperors were brought into office, it is known they did so with the ministrations of that body of officials.

But it's not exact, and there's some give either way on how closely this new use of the word translates to Ancient Rome, but I believe you can see it in there, maybe if you squint. There is a beauty to the way language evolves, but we have to remember it's roots. Where it came from. It not only advises, but evolves what the language means. In fact, to express this idea, I don't think I can say it better than Barack Obama himself:

  'Today we continue a never-ending journey, to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time . . .'

Words of the past do not always translate to the modern age. And in terms of religion, sooth-saying, ceremony, history and prejudice, I believe language will continue to shed away all the unneeded baggage and step into the modern age with a new life and vigour to them, to communicate new ideas. Because words truly are immortal, and as we evolve, words too must catch up with our culture, or they will remain reclusive terms, used only by old, dying men and risk being forgotten . . .

- - - 

That's all I have to say on the word 'Inauguration'. Unfortunately I've got a little time left here . . . hmm . . . what to say, what to say.
Well, for one, the timing here may seem a little late, but that's because I live in Australia. The Inauguration, it seems, happened on the 21^st, and today is the 22^nd, so it seems late. But for us, he was inaugurated today, because of the time difference. Unfortunately, I was asleep when it all happened. But I don't think I would have watched it anyway. This isn't about me, it's about Americans. And I don't care about politics.
Perhaps later, I'll better flesh out my own views on politics. Not next post or anything.

Huh . . . still got 200 more words to fill . . .
Well, I can tell you that I plan on another piece of blogfiction in the near future. I don't want to reveal too much, because I don't want to put too much pressure on it, but be warned: there will be more blogfiction. I also have a special blogfiction planned for Earth Hour. But since I'll put it on a little before then, I guess for those who want to read it, you should print it out (on recycled paper) and read it by candlelight, or you'd defeat the point of Earth Hour.

100 more words?

Gee, I'm really straining today . . . You know what? Since I'm not overly versed in politics, I'll ask you lot: Who on Earth should (and can) be President after Obama?I honestly don't know. Mitt Romney is just a joke, and I don't see him winning. Hilary Clinton was my best bet, but apparently she's getting old, eight years after her presidential campaign, so I don't know if she's got it in her. It could just be the media exaggerating her condition, but I don't know if she even wants to run for the presidency anymore.
I would just prefer Obama continue until he drop dead, but apparently you can only be president if you don't know what you're doing. So he's getting kicked out. But I ask you:
Who will be President after Obama?

There we go, that's enough words. I hope I can do a full post for next time. Until then, I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, signing off.

The Plan of the Hour

In spite of, or perhaps because of the fact that I didn't organize a post today, I've been mulling about what it means to plan ahead. It's a thrilling juxtaposition that my lack of readiness is a readiness in and of itself.
So without further ado, the Word of the Day is 'PLANNING'.

Planning /'planing/ v. 1. to organize a scheme or set of ideas for action.

You want to know something I didn't plan on? I never planned on drawing pictures for this blog. In case you haven't noticed, I draw all the pictures that come above the writing here. Even when the idea is as hard to visualize as 'PLANNING' is, I wanted there to be a picture. My original plan was that every post would have a picture that I'd take from Flickr or Tumblr or Pictr or whatever website would give me legal and free images. But in my first post, I dreamed up this image of a sign at the end of the road with the word "The End" on it. I google-image searched it and found a bunch of signs that didn't look right, so finally I sketched my own.
I say sketched and not drew, because I can't actually draw. I look up images on Google and sketch the bits I like into one image. I'm like a real-world photoshop.
So I drew the thing. And then, because I am crazy about keeping the same style and theme, I continued it for the next post and now, for every article I draw something. I never planned on it, but it's now become like a tradition.
The thing is, it's a lot more difficult than I thought. I actually draw the image in pencil, then fix up mistakes with an eraser and check the lines, maybe edit with a ruler, and then I draw it again in pen. And then I colour it in (which is hard with a pen, because it means I have to 'press lightly' which isn't always easy).
Am I complaining? Well, not really. I just mean, I never planned on it, but that's where I now find myself. Thankfully it's not too hard. If it was, I'd stop. I'm actually cheating somewhat in that if I know I going to write about something, I'll draw the picture in advance.

So why am I talking about pictures? Well, like I said, I didn't plan this post.
Do you know what I planned to do today? Watch the latest James Bond movie. I've been meaning to, and that's the idea. If it's good enough, and has enough ideas, I might even talk about it in my next post. But unfortunately, it means I didn't work out today's post.
Today's post was originally going to be about the word adulterated (I have a few ideas for it). But I didn't get around to it because I wasn't in the mood. Y'see, I have a back-log. that's where the story iRobot came from, as well as the Gospel of Drunk McBeardley [which is a VERY true story, by the way], I knew I couldn't be creative every day. So on the days I am, I write down as much as I can, as many ideas as I can, and I store them for later, in the backlog.
And that's kind of the whole point of why I am writing about THIS. I want you to know the behind the scenes. The scoop. The planning behind all this. Because sometimes, it's simple things like that which cause different posts in themselves.The second post I did had the word of the day 'Dictionary'. You want to know what the original choice was? 'Water'. Yeah, water. I still might do it someday, I do have a lot of stuff to say about it [admittedly, pretentious poetic stuff. But what can you do?]. But do you know what stopped me? I couldn't draw it. It's clear for goodness' sake! So I gave up and instead drew a tatty old tome titled dictionary. And I like what I did, I enjoy that post, but I hope it illustrates how annoying these little factors can be.
Sometimes, just a mood or a poor illustration can change my plans. It's different to the way I planned things out.
Not to mention, it's frigging summer right now, and I have an air-cooled CPU for a brain. I need cool air to think clearly.

Again, don't think I'm complaining. I'm not annoyed at all. I wanted to write every day, and now I do. I'm very happy. I just didn't know this would be where it took me. And I am perfectly fine writing posts like this. Hell, I could just write gibberish here for all I need it. I want to make my fingers flow over the keyboard, I need to put my mind to the page . . . that's the point of this blog, practicing writing. So I could write nonsense. But there's a reason this is on the internet. So I feel an obligation to my (somewhat non-existent) audience. So I just want you to know, yeah, I won't always have planned everything out in advance.
And yeah, somedays I won't have a plan, and you'll have to handle this stream-of-consciousness nonsense. It's just what you get when I write every single day. It's why I said that people can submit ideas, in my first post, I know that sometimes the bucket'll run dry, or I will just be stuck between a post and a writer's block.
But at those times know, I do still have ideas in the backlog, and I do plan on giving you writing you'll really enjoy.
But, especially in this weather, I'm gonna be spent. That's why I plan on spending my day watching a movie in an air-conditioned theatre.
Because some days, you don't want to have a plan.

I hope I got my point across. Now I'm going to draw the picture for this post. Feel free to have a look. Although it's just a picture, it's based off the way I actually plan out my stories, even though the drawing is pretty hasty. And if you want let me know:
What are you planning for the holidays?

Till then, peace out.
From, The Absurd Word Nerd.