Angel /aynjəl/ n. 1. Theology One of a group of spiritual beings, attendants and messengers of God. 2. The usual representation of such a being, in human form, with wings. 3. A person, especially a woman, who is thought to be like an angel in beauty, kindliness, etc. 4. A protecting or guardian spirit.10. Angels
by Hunter Jeremiah
If you are currently imagining the kind and generous messenger of a powerful and loving god, then you are going to be very mistaken. God does not need monsters to deliver His message, and I despise such blasphemy. There are even some who try to call these creatures as "avians", "birdmen" or even "icarians" to help dispel this confusion. I don't do this however, as it has lead to the further confusion that, perhaps, these creatures are like the werewolf or ape-man, creatures that are thought to be a corrupted form of mankind. However, angels are not human at all, they are merely animals which take the human form as kind of defense mechanism and camouflage. There is actually a theory that most angels take the form of naked women, due to a kind of natural selection, as the more beautiful and human they looked, the less we were inclined to hunt or kill them. They tend to be harmless, and easily spooked, and don't usually get close to humans. However, if you stand before those glorious wings, and hear the chorus as it sings, and wonder what glory the angel brings - you will learn why the angel has such sharp claws.
These creatures can be found worldwide, as their wings have allowed them to fly long and far, and they have been discovered nesting in almost every country, but these nests are few and far between. Due to a lack of feathers or hair on the majority of their body, and fair skin, they tend to prefer tropical climates, with a fair amount of sunlight, year-round, but they have been found in the subtropics, and as far North as China. Due to the majority of them being fair-skinned, angels usually avoid arid deserts and dry zones. Also, since they tend to prefer secluded areas, they prefer to nest on the outcrops of cliff, sheer mountainsides or in very tall trees. In Japan, they are known as tengu; in Spain, Vikings who discovered angels referred to them as valkyries & in Greece, they call them harpies or sirens. These myriad stories all see a portion of the truth, but the reality of angels is scattered in between all of these stories.
To begin with, angels are omnivores. They tend to forage for fruit, vegetables and fungus, but as they are not very strong and their claws not very long, the majority of the meat in their diet comes from scavenging. They tend to prey on very small and or weakened animals, or they will feed on fresh carrion.
This is why they have a connection with battlefields and sickness, because they feed on the dead. It's also the reason why some think of them as "heavenly" - angels have been seen "watching over" people who are close to death, but this is due to them waiting for a free meal, rather than some form of blessing.
The main reason why people think that angels are so beautiful and sacred is because they, like us, are made in God's image. But, they just use their looks as a way of luring in prey, it's nothing more than a trick. Angels, in general, look like slim, tall, naked women with wings, but they have several characteristics which are inhuman. Both males and females have long decorative feathers on their head which look much like human hair, as they are bristly and long, but up close one can clearly see the quill of these feathers in their scalp and small eyebrow feathers. They tend to look fair-skinned, although angels with tan, brown, red and grey skin have been seen. They have a feminine humanoid face and eyes, but their eye-colours have been recorded as different shades of brown, yellow, orange, red or blue. They have long, white claws on their fingers, and on their toes, just one or two inches long. Their wings are very large, often extruding from their shoulders to their lower back, with a wingspan of eight to ten metres.
As well, have four long toes and a fifth rear-facing opposable toe near their "heel", designed for grasping, and this arrangement makes it appear as though they are always standing on their tiptoes or in high-heeled shoes.
It is usually difficult to differentiate between male and female angels, as both sexes look like naked human women. Both males and females have soft faces and an "hourglass figure", as they both have large upper-body muscles for flight around their chest and back, but lightweight internal organs making their stomachs look very flat and lean, and store fat around their hips and backside. As well, both the males and the females do not have external genitalia, but rather a cloaca. The only way to differentiate them, on sight, is that males tend to look more flat-chested, and are usually taller, and only the females can lay eggs.
In colder climates, or during winter, they have been seen with thick, downy "pubic feathers" protecting their nether regions as well as their chest.
Other differences include the fact that they are incredibly light, in order to achieve flight. They have hollow bones, low muscle density and compact organs, which means that they are lighter than they look. They also are incapable of language, as they do not have vocal chords and are not especially intelligent, although they can mimic human speech. They tend to be quite social creatures, nesting in large family groups of at least a dozen adult angels - with the largest discovered nest being a family of over two-hundred, nesting in a cave system atop a mountain in North Africa.
Angels have a very mild temperament, and although they are easily spooked and prefer to stay away from humans, they can be very dangerous when they are hunting, feeding, nesting or carrying their young. When angels are hungry, but there is not enough carrion or small prey available, they will hunt for food in a group which is collectively referred to as a choir; this name comes from the fact that their preferred method of hunting is to lure in curious prey by singing in harmony, and this siren song draws prey (often humans) in close, so that they can attack.
They have a few methods of attack. For small-enough prey, several angels will grab them to restrain them, then fly as high as they can and drop them, so that the fall will kill or incapacitate them. They can also simply attack with teeth and claws, although this is less common as they are not very strong.
One of the other kind of attack, which is rare but devastating, is that they can vomit acid on their prey. This can only be done when an angel is very hungry, as angels have very strong stomach acid developed from eating carrion, and this acid accumulates in their stomach if they have not eaten in a while. Once expelled, this acidic bile can blind, weaken or begin the digestion of prey.
So, whilst for the most part, we have little to fear from angels, they still do present a threat under certain contexts. For this reason, Hunting authorities like to catalogue active angel nests, and put in efforts to keep these from growing, or to stop new nests from appearing in areas near to human populations. But, stray angels do sometimes go out exploring, often looking for a neighbouring nest or hunting, and sometimes a new nest will crop up. When this happens, it's up to a Hunter to make sure that nobody gets hurt.
Protection
If you see an angel, either alone or in a group, or if you believe that you are near a choir or a nest of angels, there are some ways you can make sure you stay safe:
Birds of a Feather - A lone angel may be harmless, but as angels hunt in large groups, others may be nearby. Don't be scared, but make sure you stay aware.
Don't be a Birdbrain - An angel's siren song does sound beautiful to most listeners. But, it's merely bait so that you can walk into an ambush. Don't follow the music.
Don't Run - If you run, some angels assume that you are a prey animal, and so give chase. You can't outrun them, but you can easily outthink them.
Let There Be Light - Angels are simple creatures, they're scared of fire and torchlight, as it blinds them, and feathers burn. A torch can save your life.
The More the Merrier - Angels are weak and fearful, so if you are in a larger group, angels are less likely to attack you, the larger your group, the safer you are.Run on Eggshells - If there is any evidence that an angel either has an egg, or new-hatched cherub, get out of there. Mother birds are very dangerous.
Take a Sick Day - Angels prey on the weak and the sick. If they can see you bleeding, coughing, groaning, limping, sneezing or whincing, they're likely to attack. So, if you're unwell, stay safe.
Walk Tall and Carry a Big Stick - Angels prefer smaller prey. So if you're sitting in a car, holding a rock, or even just wearing a backpack, they will tend to wait for an easier target.
Wet Your Beak - Angels are too lightweight to swim, and wet clothes are heavy, meaning that it is much harder for them to pick you up and fly off.
Hunting
Most angels just want to be left alone, and most people just want to leave them alone. As well, because angels are somewhat rare, the Hunting authorities considers them to be at a high risk of extinction. They're relatively populous within their nests, but because of the way that they mate by having large families, with males flying to new nests, they have a relatively small gene pool. As well, although vampire politics can be incredibly complicated and underhanded, it's nothing compared to vampire religion, and because of this angels are considered a "protected species". This all means that killing angels is heavily restricted in many countries, so, it's very unlikely that you will ever need to "Hunt" an angel.But, because of these laws, when you are required to stop an angel which is harming people, it can be very difficult to do so, but your goal is always just to move them along.
Find
Usually, you will be called in either because someone has sighted an angel in town, or because someone has gone missing under unusual circumstances. In rare instances there may be a dead body, but this only happens when an angel is interrupted after it kills its prey, but before it can take the body back to its nest.
In either case, you should investigate the surrounding area. Question your witnesses, angels don't exactly blend into a crowd with those enormous wings, and this can give you an easy lead. Ask about any signs of inhuman singing or chanting, or the appearance of any large feathers. Feathers are a Hunter's best friend, since angels do shed feathers like other birds, and in a struggle, they rip out very easily, most angels are found because they've left feathers behind.
If you have a body, then your victim will have scratches on them - possibly vomit - and show signs of being dropped from a great height (several broken bones, often a cracked or shattered skull, post-mortem bruising from internal injuries & severe trauma to the points of impact on the underside of the body). However, since they tend not to leave tracks, a victim isn't much help.
As for your suspects, there are only two possibilities which may force a Hunter to cross paths with an angel. Either it will be a lone angel which is lost far from a nest, or it is a young stray mother, attempting to create her own, new nest in an area which is too close to human-inhabited areas. These are known informally as Penguins or Pigeons, respectively (like that old joke, "what do you call a penguin in the desert?", and because pigeons are urban pests). Penguins are easier to handle, and if you're dealing with a case of a sighting, not a kidnapping, then it's more likely that you're dealing with a lost penguin. One of the best ways to tell is the presence or absence of very tall trees, hills, mountains, buildings or structures - I'm talking over ten metres tall. Angels only nest high and dry, and will only nest in low-lying areas temporarily. If there is nowhere available for an angel to comfortably build a permanent nest, then you know you're dealing with a penguin. However, if permanent nesting opportunities are available, the other tell-tale sign is the amount that your angel is killing. On average, an angel requires on average, three kilos of food per day, and only half of that is meat, meaning that, without the bones, blood and non-consumables, your average person can give an angel two weeks worth of food. However, an angel which is about to lay an egg, or which is travelling with a mate, will consume much more, so, if your angel is feeding more erratically, that guarantees you're dealing with a pigeon.
Last, but definitely not least, your location is their nest, and finding that is how you stop an angel. On the one hand, it's easier to deal with a penguin angel, since you just need to move them along, either by scaring them off, or finding their nest and destroying it. However, on the other hand, it is a harder to find a temporary nest, as travelling angels have been known to sleep just about anywhere which is high and dry. In either case, you should look for the highest point in town, and if your angel is not there, then investigate in descending order. They prefer natural structures, as angels recognize them more easily, but high-tension wire towers are quite popular, as are water towers; if your angel is nesting lower, you should check anywhere taller than you can reach, so the tallest trees in the area, the multi-storey houses & even the roofs of semi-trailers are popular with some penguins.
Capture
You are not supposed to kill angels. If you had to, it would be really easy, they're fragile and their ability to fly is their only advantage - just clip its wings, either up close or at a distance, and you've practically already killed it. But, this actually makes it very hard to scare off an angel without hurting it. You don't want to get into a physical altercation, because most Hunters already carry their weapon of choice, meaning that you'll probably kill the poor thing. So, if you are in danger, not only must you capture this creature, but need to do so in a way that does not result in its death. To do this safely, you will need
"Knocker" - This is a non-lethal weapon, which you have on yourself, for safety purposes. This can be a tazer, a blade without its cover removed, a whip or a makeshift baton. Personally, I like to use a baseball bat with tea-towels bound to it with rubber bands. It's cheap, and the padding reduces bruising and pain, but it's also easy to handle and can make a loud noise when you bang it on the ground. This weapon is mostly for intimidation and close-quarters defence.
"Net" - You need something to bind your angel's wings. I prefer to use a large tarp with edges weighted with steel chain (shackled to the grommets using carabiners), but you can use a literal net, or even a large, wet blanket - since the goal is just to wrap them up so that they can't use their wings, and are restrained. Just make sure that it's strong enough to withstand their claws, but light enough not to crush them, and make sure it's big enough that you can throw it over them
"Nightcap" - Even if the net restrains them, they can be a danger to themselves by trying to free themselves. For this reason, you need a way of putting them to sleep. Depending on how you plan on binding them, you can inject a sedative or a tranquilizer, or even use some form of incapacitating gas. If you have some kind of spellcraft, you could use that to put them to sleep. But, at short notice, you can use a taser or - as I prefer, for safety reasons - you can just bind their hands and feet with rope, securely, but not tightly. It's not the easiest method, and goes against what most Hunters will teach you, but there's no risk of overdose.
Your goal is to enter the nest, with your Knocker in hand, so that you can protect yourself if necessary, and intimidate them, and have your Net either at the ready, or nearby. You should provoke the angel into attacking you, as they are not very strong fighters, and cast the Net over them as soon as they near you. Once they're safely secured by the Net, you should then put them to sleep with your Nightcap.
Some other equipment you might consider would be armour, in case your Net or Nightcap don't work as well as you hoped; a second net, in case there is more than one angel in the nest; a distraction, such as fire, colourful lights, or some kind of loud noisemaker can scare your angel into submission & perhaps an anchor, such as a heavy chain or gym weights, or even just a rope tied to your car, which you can use to literally keep yourself grounded, to prevent an angel from flying off with you. Once you've captured your angel, some food, particularly meat, fungus and sweet fruits comes in handy, in case you have to restrain your angel for a while & music, can calm a captive angel that is stressed, if you can't get a recording of angel music, classical music, birdsong and a capella songs are the most effective.
Warning: Please, keep in mind that blunt objects don't have a "stun" setting, so don't go thinking that you can combine your "nightcap" with your "knocker" just by giving an angel a blow to the head. You're will either kill them or seriously injure them by attempting this, it is impossible to "harmlessly" knock something unconscious.
Once your angel is captured, you should destroy their nest. This guarantees that they will not return, and also that no other angel will attempt to nest there. If you can, you should burn the area, and leave the place scorched, as this both destroys the nesting materials, and gives the place a strong smell that scares off most angels. If this is impossible, you can scatter ash and salt in the area, or even just pour alcohol or other strong-smelling liquids onto the floor of the nest. In some cases, where the angels have nested in a tree or abandoned building, simply by knocking down the offending structure you'll effectively destroy the nest.
Once it is destroyed, you should head towards the nearest active nest and release your angel back into the wild.
Final Notes
Angels are beautiful, with perfect, naked bodies and a heavenly song. However, when I see them, I see a pestilent, bile-spewing, savage vulture - and so should you. They aren't human, they aren't sacred, they aren't kind & they aren't safe. But, I see them as little more than wild animals because I see how some have been lead down a dark path by treating them as something more than they are. I've even heard stomach-turning stories of people who capture angels to be their "brides" - it's sick. These aren't people, they're just animals that want to be left alone to scavenge and nest, on their own terms.
