Friday, 30 October 2015

Monster Bash, Tier 3: Final Match

  “G’day everyone, how are you all goin’? Good? I hope so . . . We have had some god-damned amazing fights in this arena, now. Battles have been waged; blood has been spilled and champions have risen from the ashes! . . . and now we come to the pointy end of this competition.” I say, adjusting my headphones as I walk towards a whiteboard with a contest bracket drawn on it, which looked like this:

 Tier 1   Tier 2  *Tier 3*  WINNER

WEREWOLF┐                        |
        ├WEREWOLF┐               |
GHOST───┘        │               |
                 ├─DEMON──┐      |
ZOMBIE──┐        │        │      |
        ├─DEMON──┘        │      |
DEMON───┘                 │      |
                          ├─ ??? |
VAMPIRE─┐                 │      |
        ├─HUMAN──┐        │      |
HUMAN───┘        │        │      |
                 ├─WITCH──┘      |
TROLL───┐        │               |
        ├─WITCH──┘               |
WITCH───┘                        |

  “Now this . . . uh this . . .” I stammer and start laughing. “The hell is this? What am I meant to do with this? What?” I stop as someone is talking into my ear. “Yes, I know it’s live, doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know what to do with this . . . okay, look, ladies and gentlemen if you’ve missed the previous fights, they’re in the blog archives, you should check them out.”
I pause for a moment as my headphones keep talking at me.
  “Pfft, no fuck off, I am not recapping the whole lot of matches, that would defeat the . . . you know what?” I take my headphones off and throw them over the fence. “We'll do it live, fuck it. Ladies and gentlemen, this evening, I am proud to announce that I am once again joined by the stunning Miss Jayalaw. Are you excited to be here?”
“Maybe not excited, but I am curious to see who will win. Both the contenders have fought through quite a bit and given their hundred and ten percent, but it’s going to be hard to go back to trick or treating and candy after this.”
  “Especially for our losers,” I say, sitting down on an Esky behind the desk. “But we have one hell of a fight this evening. So, I have to ask, which of our two monsters are you backing this evening? Will you make a call on the final fight?”
“Technically witches aren’t monsters, but I see what you mean. I do hope Melissa wins because she has been through a lot at this point.”
  “But not Carver? She did rip off her fucking hand, come on . . .”
“Ah good point,” Jayalaw admitted. “At this point I’m going to sit back and watch . . . are you drunk?”
  “Psh . . . barely. But I am looking forward to celebrating later," I say, tapping my 'seat'. "And y’know what? You're right. It’s all come down to this, I don't want to spoil the surprise by trying to analyse this to pieces. Let's just wait and see what happens. Oh, and here come our contestants now!”
On the left side near trees, On the other side of the field, three stagehands entered with summoning materials. They set up the pentagram as one of them chanted. As the ritual was complete, the candles each became a fireball that merged in the centre of the symbol to become Carver, the red-skinned, yellow-eyed woman with horns and a tail. Her right hand was replaced with a hook, and she wore a burnt bikini.
  “In this corner, Rkk’lugh O’ash’sh kss-Ra, a demon also known as ‘Carver’. In her first round, she lost her hand, only to smash her opponent’s brain, and in her second round she tore her opponent up and shoved her hook through his face! She’s a devilish beast, give it up for The Demon!”
On the right side near the church, a short woman was lead through the gate by two stage hands, one holding each arm. She was wearing a black, draping dress and a wide-brimmed hat, and had a pair of handcuffs on her wrists. One of the stagehands unlocked the cuffs and they both left to leave her standing, solemnly, with her head bowed.
  "And in this corner, Melissa Maitland. In her first match, she faced off against a powerful troll, and despite being outclassed in size, she used her ingenuity and ripped off his head. And in her second match, although there was a close call near the end, but she managed to snap his neck. She’s one Magical Mistress, give it up for The Witch!"
I jump up and scream. “Without further ado, Tonight is our final match! it’s Sorceress versus Succubus, who will win? Let’s get ready to RUMBLE! Three . . . two . . . one, FIGHT!”

Carver began by walking down the path towards her prey. with a flick of her left hand, her talons sparked and ignited, and flames crawled up her fingers to rest in her palm.
Meanwhile, Melissa just began dancing. She started by humming and slowly stamping her feet. She lowered her hands and stamped faster, singing wordlessly as she spun in a circle, and the demon watched this, smirking. As Melissa spun, the sky grew dark and the stars disappeared behind clouds. She stamped faster and faster, clapped her hands, then jumped forward held up her hands and whistled long and low. Instantly, there was a rumble of thunder, and rain began falling down, and the demon’s smile dropped.
The flames in her hand fizzled and spat as rain fell. Before it could douse it entirely, the demon growled, and the flame burst much larger and brighter. The rain fell and sizzled, but it was hot enough to stay lit. She thrusts her hand forward and sends a bolt of fire at the witch. Melissa throws her hands in front of her face, as she does, raindrops around her collect into a wobbling blanket of water. The fire extinguished as it hit the water. Then Melissa dropped her hands and the water splashed to the ground.
  “You pathetic maggot!” screamed the demon as she ran forward. She threw a fireball, and Melissa countered it with another swipe of water, which turned into steam. But Carver closed the distance between them and swung her leg. She kicked Melissa in the face, making her double back. Melissa grabs more water and smacks it into the demon, but Carver grabs her by the front of the shirt, lifts her from the ground and raises her hook to swipe.
Melissa slaps her in the face and throws out both arms. A sudden and quick gust of wind grabs the witch and she flies up into the air.
  “Don’t flee from me, human!” yells the Demon, and she throws up both hands, sending a spurt of flame high up into the air. The fire encompasses the witch’s body and she screams. As she swipes at her burning clothes, she drops out of the sky, smoking.
She hits the ground heavily, and collapses onto her back. She cries out in pain. The rain extinguishes the last of the fire, but she grabs her leg. It wasn’t broken, but she winced as she kneeled to stand up again.
  “You are weak and pathetic,” said the demon. “I tore off my own hand, and I am still standing. you twist your ankle, and you look ready to cry.”
Through gritted teeth, Melissa pointed towards the demon with her hand, and spoke in a strange tongue. In a flash, lightning cracked loudly. striking just behind her. Carver jumped and hissed. Melissa continued to speak, and swirled her hand as though casting a whip. Again, lightning struck, Carver dove aside, and the lightning struck where she had just been standing.
  “You can keep casting your magic at me all you like,” said Carver. “But you know, the moment I get my hands on you, I’ll rip your pretty tongue out.”
Melissa held her hand forward and clenched the air in front of her, then pulled down. As she did, Carver stumbled, but soon regained her footing. Melissa tried to magically grapple her again, by throwing her hand to the side. She managed to pull Carver over, but she quickly got back on her feet.
  “I think you’re growing weak, mage,” said the demon. She flicked her talons and they burst into a flame, which she quickly flared brighter as the raindrops sizzled around it, so that it wouldn’t be extinguished. “and I am growing impatient . . .” She reared her arm back so she could shoot the fire, when Melissa swung both arms around her and with a rushing sound, the ground in front of her was scooped up and she threw the dirt and mud at the demon.
The mud splattered her from head to toe, and she stood there for a moment, looking bewildered. Her hand had been extinguished, and she stood there, spitting dirt out of her mouth as Melissa gestured around her, gathering water with her hands, and she collected it all into the ditch she’d carved into the ground in front of her, until there was an oddly-shaped puddle.
The rain washed the dirt off of the demon’s face, and she looked at the witch, who was breathing heavily, exhausted. The demon looked at the puddle, and began to laugh.
  “Give up, human,” said the demon, smiling cruelly. “You might as well come here and let me kill you. Do you honestly think this little moat is going to stop me?”
The demon stepped into the shallow puddle and marched towards her pray. Melissa took a breath and spoke, which surprised the demon.
  “It’s not a moat, it’s a ‘fossa’.” said Melissa. “Also known as a murder-hole . . . or drowning-pit.”
Melissa once more held up her hand to grapple the demon, then she plunged her hand down, and the demon was thrown face-first into the puddle.
Melissa crouched there, catching her breath as the demon struggled. The water around her splashed as she thrashed with her hands and tail. She even tried to throw fire, causing the water to burble and let off bursts of steam. Melissa stayed there, holding her down with her magic. She didn’t even flinch as lightning struck in the distance.
Carver continued to fight and thrash for her life, digging at the mud with her hook, kicking her feet, but after the first minute, bubbles floated around her head, then her movements slowed considerably. The thrashes turned into light slaps at the surface, then she fell limp. Even after she stopped moving, Melissa kept holding her down.

A bell rang and I jumped up.
  “We have a winner!” I scream, running over, my suit soaking in the falling rain. “And not just any winner, the winner. The ultimate champion! This is incredible. Melissa Maitland, how does it feel?”
  “Is she dead?” asked Melissa.
  “I think so,” I say, kneeling down. “Either way, we’d call that a T.K.O . . . woo! That was pretty intense. But you’ve won! You’re Monster Supreme 2015. You are the ultimate monster. How does it feel?”
  “I think I need to lie down,” says Melissa. “I twisted my ankle.”
  “Oh yes, of course, of course. we’ll get the medic over here soon. But, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the Witch!”
Everyone claps as we hear the ambulance driving up, in the distance.
  “Yes, you saw it here first. We put eight monsters in the ring, and in the end, only one was left. And that answers our question: Who is the ultimate monster? I’m proud to say, without a doubt, that the Monster Supreme for 2015 is the witch.”
  “I want to give a shout-out to the folks who own Horton-Meier Cemetery, for lending us their grounds for this arena - don’t worry Glen, we’ll clean this up soon. I want to thank the Tsukiyama family for their generosity. I want to give a great, big thank you to all of our contenders who participated. And finally, I want to thank you all for joining us, it’s been a pleasure. Goodnight, everybody!”
With a sigh, I throw the microphone into the puddle, and walk off the page.


  1. I loved this! It was hilarious and innovative! Awesome work.

    1. Thank you. This was last-minute, but I am glad that it all worked out well.


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