Monday, 8 April 2013

Parody Week: Margaret and Helen

Keep your Nose out of My Bedroom too!
Posted by: Matthew A.J. Anderson | April 8, 2013

Margaret, I used to think I was the only foul-mouthed, cranky, ranting old lady on the internet, but it turns out I’m not. I may have been the first, but I was certainly not the last!
The other day my grandson, Matthew, showed me a website under the title of ‘The Best Page in the Universe’. I was expecting bacon recipes and instructions on how to set racoons on fire, but instead I found a website all about a young man constantly swearing and whining about how the world isn’t perfect. Now I have no problem with the swearing, otherwise I’d be a bloody hypocrite, and I certainly have no trouble with him expressing his opinion. The world has a long way to go before perfect, and there’s a lot to complain about while Republicans have an audience. But what bothers me is this boy’s rampant hatred of Old People.

He says, in his own colourful ways that old people should be 
slaughtered and eaten; crammed into a rocket then sent into the sun & forcibly castrated over the age of sixty. He’s of the opinion that all old people are useless to society, slow drivers and economic parasites, and he seems to take issue with the idea of old people having sex.

As one of these ‘wrinkly old bags’ myself, I have to take a stand on this. Surely, a lot of us don't work, and I see why, as a young man, ‘Maddox’ does not appreciate what we do. I feed my family when their mouths arrive at my door, and I somehow manage to keep Harold in one piece. It’s true that I no longer work, but that’s called retirement, and it’s a reward from having already worked as long as I have. Complaining to me that I don’t work, at my age, is just selfishness. I have worked for you, now I can't so you work for me.
But no matter how old you are, calling for the torture or death of anyone is just plain madness, or grounds for NRA membership.

And as for his issues with us old folk having sex, I tell him to mind his own damn business! We've worked long and hard enough to have Gay Rights, so that everyone can be a part of our society, and not have people judge them by what they do in the bedroom. Well, those aren't just Gay Rights, those are human rights to privacy. So keep your business out of my business.

But after reading a lot of what Maddox has to say, I don’t think the boy is very pleasant anyway. I don’t know about you Margaret, but I think when this boy gets old himself, he’s just going to start complaining about young people.
If you don’t like people, and just want to spread your bile, then perhaps it’s you that needs to get on that rocket headed for the sun. I mean it. Really.


Oh, Margaret, dear. I've seen this boy’s site before, and I think you've been had. The boy writes comedy on a personal website. Whether or not he agrees with what he says on his site, it’s nothing to fuss over.

The dear also has posts where he makes fun of children’s drawings, recommends setting hippies on fire, and tells stories of how he abuses women by kicking them and punching them in the face.
Honey, either this boy is a criminal sociopath, or he’s joking. Since he’s not been put in prison, I’d say that he doesn’t take this too seriously, so neither should you. I know this one hits close to home, as we’re getting on in our years dear, but I think the boy's heart is in the right place. 

This Maddox does complain a lot, and seems sure that there’s nothing worth caring about, but if he didn't care, why would he go to the effort to make the website? I don't agree with the website myself, especially what he says about children and suicide victims, but then again I don't have to read it.
But from what I have read, behind all of the swearing and rudeness, I see a very intelligent man.
Sure, he swears a lot to get his point across, but doesn't that sound like someone else I know?

It seems to me that all this sweet boy wants is for more people to think critically. For more people to not take the world for granted and perhaps even to be a little more intelligent.

All he wants is for a smarter world, and from reading what you write, honey, I think that’s something you and this Maddox boy have in common.

That's it. I'm done.



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