Thursday, 17 November 2016

Oh dear, I'm Slow

To begin with, my first announcement of updates with regards to NaNoWriMo is that I've added these updates onto my schedule. I only knew it was due for an update because I was watching YouTube, and I was thinking "what's the date?" and when I saw it was the 15th, I was thinking "No, if it were the fifteenth, I would be doing a NaNoWriMo Update . . . oh crap." So, I am posting a day late, sorry.
But, I've added little crosses onto my NaNoWriMo calendar for every five days, so that I shouldn't do that again.
But, falling behind is something I am doing quite a bit lately, it seems.
The big news for my story is that I have been petering out lately. every day this week, I've written less than one thousand words, which has been slowing me down considerably. I'm still writing, I'm still going, no worries. I'm just finding some parts more difficult, especially the emotional, dramatic moments.
Part of it is personal issues, my girlfriend isn't at her best and we're both stressed with politics and personal deadlines lately. It's a mess.
The heat doesn't help, but that's not the main factor. The main thing slowing me down is just . . . mental fatigue.
One of the ways I've been managing it is by watching videos, particularly Netflix. I watched the entirety of Stranger Things (which, I recommend to anyone that likes the 80s, or just good horror/sci-fi/mystery shows). I think I've been doing it wrong, though. The show is fantastic, but . . . not during NaNoWriMo.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the show, but it had a lot of good, new ideas.
See, I'm thinking about it, and five days ago? I was tired too. Yeah, don't forget that I was writing the Halloween Countdown before I began this. But, five days ago, I was raring to go, I was excited. I am still excited for this story, but the energy is gone. And there are two reasons for that.
Firstly, the stress of life, the difficulties of juggling looking for work with being a boyfriend with cooking dinner and cleaning with socializing and writing on top of that. It feels like a lot, and whilst it's not the hardest, as I said, the heat doesn't help.
But secondly, and most importantly, I am letting it get to me. Self-care is important, but choosing the right kind of self-care is just as important as deciding to take care of yourself. There is a fine line between self-care and self-medicating; addiction is often a form of self-medication, whether it be alcoholism, sexual addiction, drug addiction, addiction to eating brickdust or videogame addiction - it's all using the positive chemicals (often dopamine, but sometimes hormones or literal chemicals) to get a positive feeling which you had not felt otherwise.
For me, I think that I've been using watching good shows and YouTube (addicted to these online videos) as a way of distracting myself from the task at hand.

But it was subtle, because I was doing something similar last week, but with a major difference. Last week, I was putting on shows.
I was watching MIB; I was watching At World's End, I was watching Paul. Why?
Not because they are movies I enjoy (although I do enjoy some of them); and not even because they were sci-fi and I am writing sci-fi, after all Stranger Things also has a lot of sci-fi. No, what made these work is they were shows I had already watched. I wasn't receiving and processing new information, I was putting these shows on and relaxing. For the MIB movies, I didn't even watch most of them, I just put them on in the background while I was writing. But for the others, I was just zoning out, because I was concentrating more on the story I was working on.
I'm losing focus, and letting the stress get to me, that's what's holding me back and that's what's slowing me down.

On a lighter note, I finally have a title for this story. It's kinda funny, the title has basically been changing for every single post of this blog.
For the first one, it was GIDEON, but then I rebooted, and I called it Untitled Urban Sci-Fi Story, then for a week, I was calling it Quicksilver, which is apparently a street name for metallic spray paint cans amongst people that huff paint (it sounded spacey to me, but not enough). But finally, I have sort of settled on the name Still Life. I know, it's a little abstract, but it's the best title I have, and it actually kinda works for the theme that I'm going for with this story. So, unless something unexpected happens next week, that is the title of this story.
See? Things aren't all looking down. Despite the fact that there was a day when I didn't write anything. But, full disclosure, that was a day when I went out drinking with my mates. I thought I could get home and write something, and while I did get home, I actually kinda forgot to write anything until after midnight, and since my daily quota deadline is midnight . . . well, shit happens.

Anyway, so, right after I finish this post, I am going to pick several sci-fi and urban fantasy movies that I've seen before. Actually, right after this I am going to shower, because I stink. Whilst showering, I will discuss storylines with myself, and try to come up with some solid scenes for tomorrow, since my timeline is a little vague, currently (and I am a writer, talking to yourself is a common symptom).
But then, I will pick several movies, and stack them on my bookshelf so that for the next five days, if I get bored, I will put them on and keep writing in here, with them playing in the background. Then, I will probably cook and eat dinner. Then, finally, I will sit down here and continue writing, because damn it, I want to write more than 2,000 words today, and make today another green day. Alright, no more screwing around.
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and until next time, don't quit on me, people. I am writing, I hope you're writing (or reading) too. We're half-way to the finish line.

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