It is a failed story, but I did write it, so it doesn't count as one of my "abandoned projects". I considered just posting it, but honestly, it's so bad that I don't really want to do that. Even with a disclaimer like "I write better now guys, please don't judge me", I still don't want to expose anyone to that story. I genuinely don't like it, and I don't ever plan on sharing it. But, that doesn't mean I'm not going to tell you all about it. I considered it a learning experience, so why not share what I learned with you all?
So, what's the story? Well, it was a short story called "Evil".
Yes, I was a pretentious little git when i was younger, but the title was because the story was from the perspective of a villainous character that I considered "evil". Since I don't really believe in objective morality, I don't really like the concept of calling things "truly good" or "truly evil", but my goal was to have an evil character.
See, the basic premise behind this story is, as a student , it bothered me how many silly little rules everyone has to follow for the sake of "safety", even though they don't actually make us safe. I'm talking walking on the left side of the footpath; wearing school uniforms; going home before the sun goes down & that kind of thing: arbitrary rules that don't actually make you safer.
Now that I'm older I know that this kind of thing is called Security Theatre, the little performances that are designed to make us feel safer, even though we're not. The most pertinent example I can think of are signatures. Not always, but like nine times out of ten, when you sign something nobody checks it. And of course they don't, nobody cares. Most people don't know what your "real" signature looks like and if you do your signature wrong, who can tell? Give it a go, next time you get a product delivered that requires your signature, spell your name backwards, or draw a smiley face, see what happens.
Usually? Nothing. Nobody cares. But the act of signing something feels important, it's feels like you're doing something official (even though you're just writing your name quickly), so it doesn't actually change how secure your money, purchases, or postal deliveries actually are.
So, with that all said, the premise behind the story was "What if there was a character who decided to show just how fake this false sense of security is?" That's why the story was called evil, I figured that all it would take to shatter this false reality would be one evil person, one bad guy. It was about a truly evil character who showed everyone how unsafe they really were, out of a sense of vengeance and disgust due to the frustration at his own dreadful life. I think now is the best time to give y'all a Trigger Warning that I'm about to discuss, a story heavily involving Violence, Crime, Murder, Sexual Assault & Suicide; and vague references to Death & Decay, and Domestic/Parental Violence. If these are an issue for you, you may not want to continue reading without adequate preparation.
Okay, well, that trigger warning is basically the spoiler warning as well, because that's kind of exactly what the story was about. Now, I actually had some interesting ideas which I don't entirely hate. Like, I wanted this to be five chapters, starting with him deciding to do wrong, committing his first crimes, turning to murder, and then finally killing himself on live camera; and I thought to represent his moral decay, I wanted to include a black & white image of a dead frog decaying in five stages from freshly-dead to bones. I only managed to find a dead lizard image, but I still think, for a darkly-themed story like that, the imagery is striking and thematically appropriate.
So, what happened in this story? Well, it was about this kid called Liam (I picked the name because Liam is mail backwards... that's literally it, I just thought that was interesting). It's starts with him doing a monologue about how the world is terrible, and people need to be more like him, able to see through the bullshit. Then he comes across a group of girls, who are all talking about how one of them was mugged with a guy at knifepoint. The guy calls the girl weak, and they tell him to go away, but it inspires him to try to "fix" the world.
"What if I could teach the world how to deal with shit like this . . . what if I could heal this broken mess. If one man can control a girl with a knife, simple math says that one man can control everyone with the right tool." - EVIL, page 1.
The rest of the story is then like the kid's manifesto, as he describes the steps he takes to "change the world". It starts with him deciding to rape a popular girl at school, the school captain, for the sake of making people scared. I wrote the scene in detail, of how he creeps out of his house and into hers... I did skip over the rape itself, but he describes how he didn't enjoy it, since to him it was just a means to an end. Most importantly, he tags the side of their house with the words "FIXED".
The idea was, he was trying to be like a domestic terrorist, and he wanted a name for himself. He saw himself as "fixing" society, so he tagged his crimes as "fixed".
In the next chapter, he kills his father, then steals his dad's car. Tags the side of it "FIXED", then parks it in the middle of a railroad crossing, in the hopes of derailing the train. It didn't derail (I wanted to show that this kid wasn't even that competent, I mean, trains can hit semi-trailers without derailing, so I didn't think a single ute would, even for a passenger train. But that was sort of the point - this kid wasn't that smart, yet he was causing all this chaos).
Chapter three starts with him bitching about the fact that the train didn't derail, but still wanting to create some more havoc, he steals a gun, goes into a local doctor's surgery, and shoots everyone inside, before writing "FIXED" on the wall.
Now, since he's trying to make a bigger name for himself as a domestic terrorist, he finds someone who looks rich, walking out of a government building, the person wearing the nicest suit, but without any security. He drags them into the bushes, stabs them to death, and puts a post-it note with "FIXED" into his pocket.
Finally, the last chapter - called "Change the World" was all about him breaking into a local television studio with his gun, He shoots everyone in a local news-room, looks at the camera and monologues into it about how he's the "Fixer", he's just a kid who killed so many people, and people need to wake up. Then he finishes his monologue by shooting himself in the head, and the story ends mid-sentence.
Alright, class, now before I reveal it all to you, can anyone tell me what's wrong with this story? Hmm?
I mean, besides the horrendously dark tone; the cringe-worthy attempts at a teenaged writer being "edgy"; the completely gratuitous scenes of rape, terrorism & suicide, and the overwhelming lack of research into how difficult it actually is to steal a gun, kill a politician/businessman or break into a television studio?
Yes, all that aside, can anyone tell me what the actual, fundamental problem with this story is?
Alright, I'll stop the artificial dialogue schtick, I know you can't answer, so I'll just tell you...
The actual problem with this story is that, whilst it initially had a point - divulge and deconstruct security theatre - it was so mired in darkness of tone, and this weird character study that the message was entirely lost. And part of the reason for that is I was angry when I came up with the idea. I was a teenager, and I know it's a cliche, but I was angry about learning just how unfair the system is, and how it felt like people went along with it out of a sense of either "loyalty" or "ignorance". Now, don't get me wrong, if you are a writer, and you come up with a concept that even you look back on and think "Oof, I was really in one of those moods, when I was thinking that", then turning that into a villainous character concept is fantastic. We all have dark thoughts, and using them to build a character is good. But... you really shouldn't write a story about that. Whilst I wrote it I was thinking:
"Yeah, cop this... I'm fuckin' saying it how it is. I'm breaking down barriers, man. I'm writing the story they're not ready for..."
I didn't actually think with that kind of vocabulary, but that is 100% the tone of this story - and looking back on it now, it's fucking embarrassing. I still think I would like to write a story about the deconstruction of security theatre... but, I'd like to write it as a horror story. I'd write it from the victim's perspective, and have a villain who thinks of himself as a chessmaster, a mastermind, when really all he's doing is breaking societal moors.
"What, you thought because you locked the door, you could keep me away from you? Foolish child, I'm much craftier than that."
And more importantly, I'd frame the story properly. A casual reading of this story disgusts me, not because it's poorly written (although it is), and it's not because it's so edgy, it lives on the underside of a cliff made of razor-blades (even though it is that as well), but it's because in my sad attempt to make a character that was exposing how civilization lies to its civilians, I was effectively blaming the victim. I was blaming citizenry for living in a society that has these systems which lie to us, rather than the system for lying to us in the first place.
So, in conclusion, I wrote a story that failed on EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL. I tried to write a dark and edgy story that turned out to be cliched and whose violence only served as an attempt at shock value, rather than story development; I failed to effectively communicate my story's themes and messages because I was too busy developing a character that didn't deserve their place as a villain-protagonist & worst of all, I tried to write a story about a genuine issue, but I failed to fully understand the core of the issue whilst blaming those who it affects most greatly.
This story sucks... but, I still have it on my computer, I have the file saved to read occasionally. Not because I like the trite dialogue, or the gratuitous angst, but because I think it's important to remind myself just how important it is to think through an idea, not only how it's written, but also how it's read, and how it will be understood by a reader.
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and I hope now you can see why this didn't even deserve a spot on my Abandoned Projects list (and if you do attempt to use this to write something, please don't blame me for whatever you write. I do not approve of this message).
Until next time... I hope I actually have the time to write my next post
before work obligations and deadlines sneak up behind me and force me to expose more of my embarrassing failures to the internet.
