I wasn't sure I wanted to tell this story, but it does involve failure quite a lot, and it's a true story meaning I won't have to do any research. This happened to me a little over a month ago...
- - -
See, I work at a restaurant, and at the time our head chef went missing, and I was kind of worried. He just failed to show up to work one day, and didn't answer his phone when anyone of us called, and I considered him a friend. He didn't seem like the kind of person to just leave and ghost everyone without saying anything, so I was worried. I thought maybe he got into a car accident or something, so one night after work, I decided to head around to his house to see if he was okay - if his car was in the driveway, I figured that was a sign he was still around.
Now, don't go worrying about him. I've come to learn, no, he IS the kind of arsehole to just leave without warning and ghost everyone. So don't worry about him, he's not worth worrying about.
What is worth worrying about is that I was driving around late at night, after a long day at work, and it had been raining all day. I don't know whether it was because I was tired, it was dark or I was just dumb, but I failed to find his place... I got well and truly lost. See, I was driving through suburbia when I suddenly came upon a narrow, one-lane bridge that I'd never been to before. It was at this point I realized I was well and truly lost, and I decided, I really should turn around and go home. But, this bridge was narrow, and past the bridge, I was on this road with tall trees either side, much more rural than the suburbia I'd been in moments ago. I stopped the car, and I saw that there was a bit of a clearing to the left, with clear tiremarks leading into it. I thought it might have been a rudimentary carpark I could turn around in, and I didn't fancy the prospect of doing a fifteen-point turn on a narrow, two-lane road, so I turned into this clearing. Unfortunately, there were a lot of trees about, so I didn't fancy the idea of turning around here either, I'd have to check my mirrors to make sure I wouldn't bump into one of these thin trees. But, as I turned right, preparing to turn, I saw a little path, with clear tire-marks leading away. It looked like it curved around, and I was hoping it was a crescent that would lead back to the road. So, I turned down this path and started driving. I noticed one puddle deep in the tire-tracks, so I drove askew to go through it, but as I went past it, I felt my tires spinning on the wet grass, and I was a bit concerned, so I drove a little faster. But then, when I saw a second, much bigger puddle, instead of stopping, I drove askew again and hit the accelerator, but I'd failed to estimate just how deep this puddle was. My car tipped and fell into the puddle. I was left sitting in my car, which was now tipped slightly forward, but leaning to the right at about a thirty-degree angle. I tried the accelerator, but my car didn't move at all. I went into reverse and put the pedal down again, nothing. I tried this three or four more times, but the car wasn't even wiggling.
I was wearing my work clothes, and I didn't want to get them muddy (and I really didn't want to get mud all through my car, but after a while I decided to hop into the passenger seat, to use that as a kind of air-lock (or "sludge-lock") to keep the driver's seat part of the car clean.
So, I hopped over, got out of the car, and I decided to look at what I could do, with my phone. I could see how deep the puddle was - most of my tire was in the water, so I took off my hand-brake, put the car in neutral and tried to push the car forwards. But, that wasn't doing anything - the ground under my feet was too slippery, and even when I threw my weight against it, it wasn't moving at all. I figured strength alone wasn't going to help me here. So, instead, I grabbed a few fallen tree branches, and rammed them under the tire as hard as I could, in the hopes they'd get some kind of grip, then I climbed into the car (after taking my shoes off in the passenger seat, and hopping into the driver's seat, in my socks). I tried to drive again, now with added friction... but that didn't do any better. I could feel the tire rubbing against the branch, and the engine was struggling a little, (the lights dimmed when I tried to reverse) but I wasn't moving, and I realized then how much water was flicking up when my tires span. I got out of the car again (hopped over the gear-shift, carefully put my shoes on again doing my best not to get mud on my hands, opened the door, and climbed up and out the angled door), and I grabbed the branch, but when I pulled it out from under the tire, it came free too easily - I thought it should have been rammed in the mud. That's when I realized - the front bumper of my car was resting on the muddy ground. The reason I'd failed to move the car was, the front-right driving wheel wasn't touching the ground at all, it was in the puddle with my car's chassis on the edge of the puddle No matter what I did, I couldn't move this car - I would need help.
So, I yanked all the branches out of the way and got in my car (taking my shoes off, sitting in the driver's seat). I considered calling my parents - I live with them, and I figured we all had Scout training, we could figure this out. But, I looked at the time... it was 10pm. I'd left work around 9, and my parents go to bed earlier than me. I didn't want to wake them up. Besides, I'm a card-carrying RACQ Member!
For those not in the know, RACQ stands for Royal Automobile Club of Queensland, it's a club that provides insurance, vehicle inspection, apparently banking for some reason... but most importantly, it provides Roadside Assistance, and that's what I needed.
Now, I don't live in Queensland, I live in New South Wales. Actually, I live in Albury-Wodonga, which is on the North side of the New South Wales, Victoria border (hence the name Albury is in NSW, Wodonga is in Vic, so we're two cities, but one community). Anyway, the point is, NSW is usually dealt with by NRMA (I believe that once meant "the National Roads & Motorist's Association", but it's not actually national, it mostly covers New South Welshmen), but as I understand it, these clubs usually operate interdependently.
Anyway, so, I call RACQ, using the number on my card. After waiting on hold for 15 minutes, I speak to a lovely lady and explain my situation. I say something like.
"Hi, my name is Matt, look my car's been bogged, and I need help, but I'm not sure who to call. I'm with RACQ, but I live in New South Wales, is that okay?"
"That's okay," she says. "I can't help you from here, but I'll just transfer you to the NRMA."
I appreciated that, since I didn't even need to write a new number down or whatever, I just get transferred over... but, I'm back on hold again.
Quick aside: Why is hold music the crappiest repeating loop of muzak-jazz in the world. It's not like it's calming to listen to shitty music through a crappy speaker whilst waiting on the phone.
Anyway, after another 15 minutes or so, I finally get through to NRMA, and I explain my situation.
"Hey, I just called RACQ, I'm an RACQ member, but they transferred me here because I live in Albury now. My name is Matt, and I've got my car bogged."
"Well, we don't usually help people whose cars get bogged," the lady says, rising my anxiety until she adds, "But, with the rains lately, we have been sending out tow-trucks to help people who are stuck. Can you just tell me where you are."
I put her on speaker phone as I then opened my GPS app to find out where I was. According to my phone, the nearest road (which I had turned off of, to enter that clearing) was called Island Road. Huh, I guess that bridge actually lead me onto an island, I think. So, I tell the lady "I'm just off island road"
She looks it up on her computer, then she says:
"Oh, you're in Victoria? Just a moment..."
Then, she puts me on hold. Thankfully, I'm only on hold for five or so minutes before a woman answers the phone, telling me I'm talking to someone from RACV (i.e. the Royal Automobile Club of Victoria).
See, in Australia, the border between Victoria & New South Wales is the Murray River... but, the border officially and legally starts on the northern shore, so the moment I'd driven onto that bridge, I was technically in Victoria. When looking back on it, it was a fun fact, but when you're just trying to get some help pulling your car out of a puddle, it's bloody frustrating!
So, I tell this third nice lady "My name is Matt, my car is bogged just off Island Road, I NEED a tow to get out of here."
The lady then says "Okay, I'll just organize to send a tow truck out there to help you, can I get your information."
So, I tell them my full name, my license plate number, the make and model of my car, my phone number, and I think my birthday as well, just for fun.
Anyway after all this, it's about 10:30 when the lady says "Okay, we've called the guys out, they have your number so they'll text you when they're nearly there. But, it may take up to an hour to get out to you."
"That's fine," I say, "I'm not going anywhere, I'll be fine... uh, should I do anything for when they arrive?"
"If you're a potential danger to other drivers, you might want to put your hazard lights on. And don't get out of your car and wander around on the road. Otherwise, you should be fine."
I say okay, I hang up, I switch my hazard lights on and I lean back to listen to a podcast on my phone.
Unfortunately, the podcast I was listening to only had episodes 30 minutes long, so after that time, I didn't want to listen to another, because I figured "up to an hour" usually means "an hour, or less", and I didn't want to leave an episode half-way through. I tried reading my book, but I couldn't do that without my lights on, and since my lights had sort of flickered when I'd reversed, I was worried about flattening the battery. So, I wound the window down and watched the stark, dark trees either side of me blinking orange in the glow of my hazard lights.
After 45 minutes, I get a text. It tells me there's a tow-truck nearly there. I sit my seat back up straight, and wait for the truck. After five minutes, I get a phone call. It's the tow-truck driver.
"Hey, mate, where are you?"
"I'm just off Island Road, to the left", I tell him.
"We're on Island Road, but I can't see you," he says.
"Right, well, there's a little clearing to the left just past the bridge, and there's a muddy path that seems to go around."
"How far are you from the road?" asks the tow-truck driver.
That's when I begin to worry... I remember my Dad vaguely mentioning that "roadside assistance" was literally limited to the roadside, and there was a legal distance beyond which was not considered "the side of the road". I guestimated that distance was about 50 metres, so I say to the guy "I don't know, maybe 50 metres."
"Well, our truck's front-wheel drive, so we can't go in the mud," says the driver (which made me feel kind of stupid since, yeah, my car's front-wheel drive and I found that out the hard way). Also, he says, "and our tow-cable is only 20-metres long."
"Oh..." I say. I'm relieved that this wasn't a coverage issue, but now this guy seems to be saying he can't help me at all.
"Well, I don't want you guys to get stuck as well, but what am I supposed to do, then?"
I was hoping he'd tell me the number to call to get back in touch with RACQ (or RACV or whatever), or maybe give me the number of a better tow-trucking company. But, instead, the guy says.
"You need someone with a four-wheel-drive to get you out. I recommend you go onto Facebook and find a local group of four-wheel-drive owners, and post a message asking for help."
"I see," I said. I think I was able to hide the disappointment in my voice. "Well, thank you."
I hang up, the truck drives away, and I look at the time on my phone. It's approaching midnight, at this point - 11:24. I know the exact time because I have the record of when I made the call on my phone. See, over an hour earlier, I'd decided against calling my parents because I knew it was very late at night, and they were probably in bed. However, my Dad owns a 4WD... I was hoping to let them sleep, and keep all this to myself, but that plan, clearly, had failed. My parents were definitely in bed, but I knew I had to get home since I had work in the morning. And yeah, they're retired, so they can sleep in - but come on, it's still rude to call someone that late, even if it is an emergency.
So, I called my folks, and they came out with hooks and straps and gloves and wellington boots, and after thirty minutes of fussing around, we strapped up the car, Mum got in the front seat (she's lighter than me, so we figured it was better for her to be in the car), me behind pushing, with wellington boots on, and Dad driving the four-wheel-drive, we managed to get my car up and out of the puddle.
The cable did snap as we got near the road, but the car was out of the mud, no damage was done to the cars, and after making sure my car was running fine, we went home.
I was apologetic about waking them up, and they said it was fine, but Dad said "don't drive on unpaved roads when it rains", and my mother added. "Well, I'm tired, so if you don't mind I'm going to take off my shining armour, and go to bed."
So, all told, I don't think a single thing went right for me that night. Some of it was my own fault, I really shouldn't have driven through mud after a rainy day like that, and I should know exactly what roadside assistance means before I call for it. But, if there's one thing I learned from all this, it's that when things go wrong, you can always rely on your loving family to help you in times of need.
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and if there's two things I learned from this, the second one is that I probably get my wicked sense of humour from my mother. Until Next Time, take care, drive safe, and make sure you have someone you can rely on who drives a four-wheel-drive.
