Tuesday, 27 October 2020

I Am Fine

I am fine.
Why must I keep repeating all the time?
  I’m fine, look, I’m running, running wild!
  Running, just like every other child - watch me smile.
Look, there’s nothing wrong, so stop this incessant nagging and asking me why.
There’s nothing wrong, and I don’t have to cry.
  It’s not like I don’t care.
  I loved him every second he was there.
It was great when I could run around and play with him when I was 6 years old,
It was great when I could cuddle up to his fur in winter when I was feeling cold,
  It’s not like I don’t know,
  That we played all day, and he would follow me wherever I would go.
But I don’t need to cry just like you,
I know that he was my dog too.

I am fine. I’m a big girl now.
I’ve lost pets before. My bird flew away and my fish drowned, but I don’t know how...
  Look, it’s not like it was some kind of surprise,
  I saw him die before my very eyes,
You don’t have to tell me, I was there,
I saw his body limply flying through the air,
  I watch the car that wasn’t looking, and hit him at full speed,
  I heard the tyres screech as they stopped. I saw him bleed.
I watched my father, angry; scream and curse,
I heard the driver, who was only making it worse,
  I held him as he took his final breath.
  I felt it as he passed from life to death.

I am fine. Look I’m smiling, Look at me.
I smile on the outside where you can see.
  There’s nothing wrong, and I don’t have to cry.
  There’s nothing wrong, except my puppy died.
I may have lost my one and only friend;
I may feel a hole inside that will not mend.
  But stop it, just stop it now! Look we’ve bought a new dog, look see?
  A new dog that looks like him, to keep reminding me
  There’s nothing wrong, I just don’t want to play with dogs all the time
    I know that I’m not eating,
    and I’m having trouble sleeping,
      and the new dog feels rejected,
      I don’t act how the doc expected,
  ...but if you keep asking me how I feel I’ll just keep saying: I am fine