I just haven't been in the mood to do a blog post yet, but it's 2015 and my next "hundred" milestone - 200 - is waiting on the horizon, but I just don't want to write. I was wondering why I was feeling so meh, until I decided to take a look at the scoreboard . . .
See, in 2013 I set myself three resolutions: write more, write better & find a girlfriend. I accomplished all of those things - score one for me. In 2014, riding high from that success, I set myself three more resolutions:
- I want a good occupation (that I enjoy doing)
- I will try to make Duke Forever more popular (on tvtropes.org)
- I am going to have my first kiss (with my girlfriend)
Unfortunately, I am still unemployed (despite all of my efforts, including a course in Hospitality); Duke Forever, while the audience seems to have grown still has no more references on TV tropes, (other than those I've added) & I'm sorry to say that I still haven't kissed my girlfriend (☹).
Let's see that scoreboard . . .
Absurd Word Nerd: 1 The Universe: 1
It's no wonder I'm flustered. Someone with an ego like mine can't be seen as even with reality, I need the upper-hand! Seriously, though, it does bother me. Not even one of those resolutions came to fruition. That's part of the reason I didn't keep up with the tradition.
If you do something for only two years in a row, can it be called a "tradition"? Hell, can you even call a pair of two things a "row"? Anyway, for '13 & '14, in December I wrote my New Year's Resolutions up for the year to come, but this year, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
For that reason, the Word of the Day is: 'DEVOLUTION'
Devolution /deevə'lūshən/ n. 1. The act or fact of devolving. 2. Biology Backwards evolution (opposed to evolution); degeneration. 3. The passing on or delegation of power or authority.Indeed, it does feel like I'm devolving or somehow going backwards. I was on top of the world, now I feel kind of deflated. And I can't write either, so I'm left considering it.
Look, I dunno, I've just been struggling to write, that's all. In every sense.
For the blog, I have trouble because all of my ideas are so small. I mean, I could write about what's going on with family (since I've seen so much of them over this Christmas break) and I could talk about what's going on with my house (since we've put in a ladder to the roof cavity and we're putting down floorboards to make an attic) or I could talk about my relationship (since we're still going strong, through thick and thin, for over a year); but, I don't really want to. I'm just in a bit of a huff, to be honest.
As for my personal fiction writing, my ideas are so big. Too many of them would require a huge story just to produce them the way I want to. I would like turning that kind of stuff into blogfiction, but they're too big for blog posts. Sure, I write them down and I develop them as best I can, but I seem to be doing more ideation than creation. The other day, I spent the entire day working on a story so big it could only really work if I turned the next Halloween Countdown into some kind of novel . . . I might do that, but it will require even more planning and I really should be doing less planning and more writing because, I am working on a novel.
As for that, I'm struggling a little bit just because I'm not sure if I'm writing it right, I can't tell if I'm blocked or what, but it's all a bit of a nuisance, to be honest.
I was wondering if I should make some new resolutions, since I failed last years resolutions; maybe I could see if I could accomplish something new this year, to make up for that failure. But then I started to think about it . . .
Why have I failed?
See, these are life goals, stuff I want to accomplish and I still want to do them, that's why I'm so upset that I haven't done them yet. So, why give up? Perhaps, rather than give up on those resolutions, I can reignite them. Don't Game Over . . . Play On! Where's that fucking scoreboard!
Absurd Word Nerd: 1 The Universe:
Damn right; Universe ain't got nothin' on me! My Resolutions this year are the same as last year:
- I will look for a job (that I can keep and enjoy)
- I will try to make Duke Forever (more) popular
- I will (do everything I can to) kiss my girlfriend
PLUS one little extra . . .
- I will not give up (on myself [again])
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and The Universe, and the Space-Time Continuum, ain't got nothin' on me! Enjoy 2015, and I hope to write to you again soon.
Believe me, you will make it, and Duke Forever will become more popular once more people know about it. People are liking it on Tumblr. :)
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