See, I live in Australia, and in this country it is against the law to threaten another person. Whilst, technically, I am not going to hurt anyone or incite the hurt of others, it is also technically illegal to threaten or indirectly incite fear of harm or death in another person recklessly; so, this could be seen as a death threat, and I can fully understand why that would be the case, and I do not want to -even recklessly- imply harm to another, or incite another to. So for any legal or lawful persons reading this under the impression that it is a breach of the law, please read this disclaimer:
I have no intent to commit harm on any person, or to incite others to commit harm to another person. For legal reasons, I am deliberately concealing the full names of the people on this list and many of the names I use are deliberate pseudonyms. I do not direct these messages at any person in particular and I have no intent to intimidate any person with this list, or to incite fear of harm. For the sake of my mental health, I do not in any way contact these people, and I do not intend to, in fact these people are "dead to me" in the metaphorical sense, so I have no current or future goals even remotely regarding these persons.
This list is for entertainment purposes only, as it is the season of Halloween, and I believe that the presentation of this kind of indifference towards death can provide intrigue and thrills for my readers.
The reason I have to include that disclaimer is because I fully accept that I am indifferent towards the death of these people, and in fact I think that their deaths would cause benefit because of the detriment they cause to themselves and others in their lives; and most importantly, this is not a joke. I am not inventing people, and I am not creating the events within this list for the sake of fiction, this is a real list of real people that I have encountered in my own personal life, of whom their death I would not mourn because I believe that their lives cause greater pain, upset, suffering and annoyance for - not just me, but also - every other individual that they encounter.
This is a halloween post because I fully accept that indifference towards living things is something considered "evil", but I hope that by the end of this list, you will see why I feel this way. Not because I am a bad person, but because I am a moral person that believes morality is about the greater good, it is about actions which cause the greatest benefit and the least detriment. In fact, I honestly believe that, had you met these people, you to would believe they deserve to die. For that reason, I would like to also add this disclaimer:
I do not condone the harm or homicide of the persons I mention on this list; and my personal opinions about their worth is non-corollary to any other person's desire to commit a crime. I do not wish for ANY person to harm these people (or anyone else, really).
See, while I believe that the lives these people live create greater harm than good, what I hope for is not retribution, but karma. If any of you come to empathize with my point of view, and somehow discern their identity, I don't want you to hurt these people either. I am just of the opinion that I would be unrepentant and unsympathetic if any of these people were to die by getting into a car accident with no other cars or casualties; a self-induced drug overdose; brain aneurysm or perhaps even if they realized their own lack of worth and committed suicide.
I don't want you to hurt these people; or you'd be just as bad as . . .
The Top 5 People that (I think) deserve to die.
#5. Tyler the Nihilist
You could almost say that today is the anniversary of when I decided that I didn't appreciate Tyler's existence; because it was my birthday party a few years ago when I saw him.
I brought some old friends from school and some friends I knew from a course I was doing that year over to my house, mixing things up a bit so everyone could meet someone new. One of my newer friends asked if she could bring along a "plus one", an ex-boyfriend to drive her. I knew her and I figured it would be okay, I give everyone a chance, so I said "Sure, but so long as I meet him at the door."
That didn't really happen, but I don't know if it would have helped. To begin with, this guy was quiet, in his thin leather jacket and black hair, he seemed to be just a wallflower. So, I enjoyed myself, talking to others; I didn't spend much time around him, but what started my dislike of him was when another one of my friends puked.
My friend was okay, but I knew he hadn't drunk that much (I think he was drinking cider). I mentioned this and Tyler, smirking, told me he'd put a shot of rum in my friend's glass. Now, get me not wrong, I can get behind a good prank.
This was not a good prank.
He'd essentially poisoned my friend, and since he was a stranger to everyone he had no idea if he was putting him at risk of allergic reaction or alcohol poisoning; but worse, he had spoken to no one and the first thing he did to amuse himself was spiked someone else's drink with my rum. I was trying to have a good time, and I didn't know all of the circumstances so, I moved on, but kept a wary eye on this guy. I spoke to the friend that brought him, asked about Tyler, and she said that he was a nihilist. She'd met him during her emo phase, and whilst they weren't together he was still alright.
So, whatever, I moved on. But later on that night, Tyler starts talking to me. I can't remember everything that he said because I was drunk and not paying attention; but, basically he was fond of knives, had his own in the car, and I think he liked hunting or something and he had a good car. I wasn't listening, I was kind of bored, but I got the distinct impression that he was trying to impress me because he thought I was like him.
See, I have a dark sense of humour, and I'm often sarcastic and witty (I'm not just up myself, but I am kinda clever and I think quickly), so I think that this drop-kick was trying to find a kindred spirit in me. But, I wasn't flattered, I was disgusted. See, as I see it there's one of two possibilities: Either he was trying to "play nice" with me, and impress me by poisoning my friend and talking about knives and cars and how smart he was; OR, he wasn't trying to impress me, but rather was trying to impress himself by making a stranger physically sick and testing his own mental acuity against mine.
I don't know what kind of sick, nihilist mind thinks that this is an okay thing to do amongst a group of people they've never met before; but, I don't think it's the kind that has earned their right to consume oxygen.
#4. Alison (the Troll)
Alison, I haven't met in person, but she is a terrible person. Some spaces online are not safe spaces. The ones that are safe, stay safe for a reason, because people are courteous. When they disagree, they don't carry on the drama for months at a time.
Alison the Troll gained access to one of these spaces, and a place within a popular media fandom. She befriended cosplayers and tried to make friends, until a conflict with a cosplayer lead to a feud and fueled harassment of others. This split the fandom in half, and whittled it down further when, out of desperation to have people pity her, she faked her suicide. My girlfriend was one of the people who felt sorry for this girl, and when her boyfriend came online to mourn her, she did her best to console him. Little did she know, the "boyfriend" was merely the "dead" girl, using a fake account. She continued to browbeat everyone, harass this cosplayer and several other people who were considered popular. After faking the boyfriend's death as well, and a bout of cancer, Alison started a new account to repeat the pattern, this time harassing the cosplayer and a second person out of the fan community entirely, and that second person happened to be one of my dear Beloved's friends.
My girlfriend is a sweetheart, much too caring and kind, and she likes making new friends and talking to new people in the fandom community, but Alison took advantage of her, and left her doubting herself and left her regretting her attempts to help out someone asking for help. Recently Alison got outed by a minor blog who got tired of the nonsense and gathered evidence against her, and those that had grieved for her death, including my Beloved, got angry at the deception. Some, like Beloved's friends, are even contemplating lawsuits.
My Beloved has been raging furious in the meantime. She's hurt at being fooled, at being used as a messenger for Alison, and at seeing her friends targeted. I worry that Beloved's heart will harden, and that she will become less trusting. She had nearly declared war on Alison and said she wanted to punch her in the nose.
Alison is a hazard to the sense of community that fandom can provoke, but worse (in my eyes) she was a dick to my girlfriend.
But there's something my girlfriend said which I cannot disagree with: "It would have been easier if she had actually killed herself". I disagree with suicide, euthanasia & people that refuse therapy; but, that is because I believe that everyone deserves the right to live happily and healthily. However, after all the crap she put everyone through, you can't deny that it would have been easier.
#3. Dan the C*nt
The strangest thing about this list is, for a long time, Dan has been on my list. I think it exists for everyone. I think everyone has a few people that they feel deserve to die. And for me Dan's been on it for so long, that I almost can't remember why I hate him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was so long ago that it's meaningless - the issue with this piece of shit is his attitude.
But, in trying to remember all of what put Dan on my shitlist, I tried to do research to see if I could jog my memory, yet I couldn't find him. I mention that because it cheered me up to think that maybe he's died in these intervening years. I'm not kidding when I say he'd deserve it.
See, I can remember some of him. If I could remember more, perhaps he'd be higher on this list (but I'd never forget 1 and 2, so it's unlikely), but from what I do remember of Dan, he wholeheartedly earns his title of "the Cunt".
To begin with, I believe he threw a rock at my head in school once. I was walking up from the oval, and a heavy rock, like the third the size of a brick, hit the ground behind me, and I looked up and there was Dan there at the top of the stairs. I can't remember perfectly, so I admit that it could have been some other jackoff from the soccer fags (it's what everyone called in school, I didn't pick the name), but Dan is definitely the sort to do it and the most likely, so my brain puts him there in my memory. He was a bully to several kids in school, and was snarky at me.
Beyond that, I only really have one other memory, so I'll have to refer to other stories I've heard for a moment. Apparently he joined the army and was thrown out for drug use. He went to a party, with hot sauce be bought online, the kind that has ghost peppers in it, and put it on the pizza while people weren't looking causing at least two people to throw up. He once threw a rubber vagina at someone as a "prank", and I did hear he tried to get onto reality TV in another country, and was thrown off for assaulting a producer.
I won't lie, the last two are less likely and I wouldn't be surprised if they were an exaggeration of some kind, but Dan is an aggressive, self-satisfied, drug addict, bully and moron.
But here's one I do remember. One time, for reasons I cannot recall, he came to the sharehouse during a get-together and started drinking everyone's rum and chatting. Now, he was just talking inane crap about how he wanted to count cards and cheat a casino or get high. I sure as hell wasn't interested, so we tried to play a videogame or drinking game or something. But he said that was "gay" and started talking about how one time he got a prostitute and stuck an icy-pole in her.
Never mind the fact that that is completely disgusting. Never mind that he was the only one that thought that was funny. Never mind the fact that this is almost entirely untrue, since any prostitute wouldn't risk a yeast infection just for one client. But, this guy was saying it as an anecdote to show good he is with women, and then started complaining that there were no girls around.
I don't know what else to say but, this is the person we're talking about and I couldn't be happier that he seems to be dead.
Ugh . . . I'll try to write this one quickly, because I hate thinking about this jackass. I call him "the Greek" because I can never remember his last name, but I know he's Greek. To begin with, Peter bullied my best friend in school, harassing and belittling him because Peter is a jerk.
Next, Peter is racist and sexist, as on more than one occasion when a girl has approached him to ask him out, he has turned her down and said - to her face - that he only cares about girls with blonde hair and blue eyes (I'm not saying he's a nazi, but I can't help but notice the Aryan connection there). I never engaged in conversation with him, because he's a piece of shit, but I definitely got a "European Supremacist" vibe from him.
But those alone aren't why I think he deserves to die. The main reason is that he is violent. See, back at that sharehouse once more, we were having a gathering with friends. I don't know who invited Peter, he'd never come to our parties before, but this time he did and he was drinking. He was being dumb, trying to get everyone to watch this "techno viking" video, I saw a bit of it, thought it wasn't that interesting, then moved on. So, why is that video important? Because a few minutes later, I heard him calling everyone into the living room. Our living room wasn't very big, less than 9 metres square, but we walk in to see Peter there, a hatchet in each hand, drunkenly trying to dance like the video - which is to say, he was swinging axes around in our house, while drunk.
I'd seen this guy fucking around with axes before, one time I came home to see him throwing axes at styrofoam boxes in the backyard. Which would have been fine if either this was his house, his property, and he wasn't throwing the axes around our chickens (we had five chickens, for eggs and because they're cute), even if he didn't hit them, it was styrofoam and the chickens were pecking at the ground, so I told him to stop. His response "No".
But this time, he was in the middle of our home. He was drunk and holding weapons. I was disgusted at the sheer dumbfuckery of it, and I went from zero to furious pretty fucken quick, and I yelled.
"Stop fucking around with axes in my HOUSE!"
Dumb, drunk dickhead didn't listen, so I charged the fucker - and know, I was furious. I knew this guy was dangerous and arrogant, I knew he was a bully, I wasn't going to reason with him, so I decided all I was going to do was get those axes out of his hands.
I pushed him into the wall, then dragged him to the window and tried to force him to drop them outside. It was then he threatened me saying he'd hit back with the axes, but I was just going to get them away from him.
He pushed me back, but then another mate of mine, Ryan, charged. Ryan is fat, but not (in my opinion anyway) horribly so, he's only slightly overweight, but because he's tall, slightly overweight is about 160 kilos. He jumped on Peter and wrenched the axes from his hands. Luckily, once he saw that everyone (not just me) was glad that he'd been disarmed, he left the house in a huff.
I didn't kill him that night, because I didn't want to be a murderer. Don't get me wrong I'm not bragging, I don't want to kill anyone (which is why I fully endorse the disclaimer above); but when I shoved him against the wall, I had a second, but in my adrenaline fueled state, it felt like ten seconds, where his head was against the wall, and I thought "if I punch him in the temple, it might just rattle around his brain and put him down"; I decided not to do that. Then, when I tried to get the axes out the window, I pulled both of his hands out the second-storey window, and his head followed, and I realized "if I let go of one hand and put my hand between his legs, I could throw him out the window"; but I decided not to do that.
I could have killed the Greek that night, and Peter is very lucky that I am not a murderer, but that doesn't mean that I think he deserves the life he has.
#1. "Billy" the Stoner
The weird thing is, whilst number two on this list makes me furious, and boils my blood even to think about, you may be lead to believe number makes me even angrier. But he doesn't, really. Yes, I do hate Billy, but he's not violent, he's more pitiful. I don't pity him, and I don't feel sad for him, but it can't be denied that his level of personhood is just so much less.
To begin with, Billy is a stoner. He smokes weed, and I have nothing against people that smoke it, but he is a stoner, he does it every single day and he doesn't have a job, I even heard that his parents pay for it (don't ask me why, I don't really care).
Now, see, that alone would make me pity him, and if I liked him I'd even call him or go over and talk about getting help. But I don't do that, because Billy only cares about Billy. Billy is an incorrigible egomaniac and narcissist.
Every conversation with Billy is a conversation where he tries to prove that he is a genius, which is unfortunate because Billy is stupid; he wasn't that clever before he became an addict, but he's even stupider now. He just talks about conspiracy theories and memes. I literally cannot have a conversation with him, because any attempt will be derailed so he can talk about what he wants to talk about, which is something he misheard, misunderstood, or believes because he's stupid.
You can't teach Billy, because Billy only believes words that come out of Billy's mouth.
As someone who prides themself on truth, reason and intellect, the fact that Billy enjoys deluding himself, then sharing those delusions with others is antithetical to me to the very core. But that's not why I think he deserves to die.
The reason why is because - like most narcissists - Billy is a misogynist. On three separate occasions, Billy tried to sleep with the girlfriend of one of my friends. Because of course "Billy is better than your boyfriend" according to Billy. That is lowly and disgusting, and he is always turned down because of course, but on one occasion when a girl turned him down, he began stalking her. He'd call, text and message her online, and when she said to go away, he started sending threats and threatening images, like her face with her eyes coloured in red.
And on more than one occasion, he's told people that he's slept with their girlfriend and he even tried to harass my friends by messaging them at random to tell them that he'd slept with her. Why? Because Billy thinks Billy is a master manipulator, that can play puppetmaster. But of course, he can't, because billy is just a worthless stoner.
Billy is disgusting. He's a leech on society, he offers nothing, learns nothing, teaches nothing and all the people he meets he either annoys, insults, harasses, threatens or disgusts. That's why he's number one on this list. I'm just surprised that he hasn't killed himself out of his own worthless stupidity; or threatened the wrong person, and gotten himself killed. I'd pity him, but I don't think he's even worth that.
Anyway, that's my list. I hope you don't think less of me. Or, if you do, I hope I've not done so to the degree that you'd put me on a list like this. The only reason I wrote this list is because this is my actual opinion, and I thought you would enjoy it. I don't want to kill these people, but I honestly believe they'd be worth more alive than dead; and I don't think I'm the only one that feels that way. I'd be curious to know the people you think deserve to die, but if you are going to write a list like this, be careful, check the laws in your country and don't go threatening anyone else.
A threat is serious business, and while I'm deadly serious about this list, I am not actually deadly.
I'm the Absurd Word Nerd, and if you want to avoid joining the people on this list, perhaps you should stick around for the rest of this year's Halloween Countdown . . .